whatsuppunk

2007-08-28T16:12:00.000+08:00

I HAVE MOVED!!!!!

http://themolehole.livejournal.com

2007-06-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

Ha. for my loyal and oh-so-loving friends who bothered to still read my blog. I've officially become a Christian.

I was baptised on th 6th of May 2007, but i received my certificate today!! ha!

that is why Wan Hua is dead.

Cause now it's officially Nicole Anne Loh Wan Hua =)
*hooray for God's love!! Amen*

i wanted to upload picture of my cert... but since i'm such a lazy ass and im currently mugging for my exams. i shan't put any up here!! mua haha

anywho, since i'm getting so damn sick of this blog and its baggages (not to mention f***ing laggy uploads)

i've decided to move to livejournal. so my blog will be at :
http://themolehole.livejournal.com

hahah! but dont bother going there la. haha. not yet. even if there's anyone who's reading this. ahhaha. it'll be done in a week's time.

after my papers!! =) boy oh boy do i have alot crap to share!!

dead me

2007-05-30T14:22:00.000+08:00

This blog is dead.

WanHua is dead.

Find out why.

This coming Sunday.

3rd June

life

2007-03-01T12:17:00.000+08:00

Life... oh, Life.

Life will start off slowly.

And it will gain momentum -- so much momentum that by the golden years of your life, you'll marvel at everything that has happened.

Time is funny like that -- sometimes, the ponderous passage of time requires all of your patience, and then, suddenly, an entire year goes by in a blur.

Cherish each moment as it happens today, whether it's a good one or a bad one.

Make the time that you have matter.

**^&^ ^%^$ %^$^$ ^%^% $#%!~$%*

stupid neh neh. the results are coming out soon. and it's making me an emo nemo.

*^*% &*%&$^%^#%&**&*&)!!!!!!!

Nicole.. who??

2007-02-20T12:10:00.000+08:00

Nicole.. who?

fine!!! laugh at me la!! i get christian name then all you bafoons come and laugh at me! *hmph*

hahaha. *ahem ahem* the only reason why i got it was because i NEED to use a christian name at my new workplace causse apparently, wanhua doesnt really quite cut it. hahaha! *rolls eyes*

so so so. i LOVE my new name. cause i believe my Daddy God chose it fro me, and i've finally found one that im happy with. and Nicole is a name i can introduce myself with again and again without cringing!!!!!! *boo ya!!

anywho. ya. now i just finished cooking a 10 course meal with my mama n my nehneh of a sister. *phew* i am so damn hungry!!! but i still have to be a "good guest" and touch the food only when the guests have arrived.

ahhhhh.. who cares la. i've already swallowed like 10 fishballs. haha!

anywho, i've invited the 52 peeps to come my place as well. oh boY!!! im so excited. kk. 2 weeks from now i shall have a bimbos party as well!! haha. and how can i miss out on me idols... *ha*

it's only now that i've started realising something. we are all so free now. but we've never have had lesser time to meet up with our friends! be it old or new ones.

I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!!!! every single one of you.

this is the times when we can meet really good God-given friends and keep them for the rest of our lives.

i miss my 3/4 ep friends. (lala tan..tt DEFINITELY includes you)

i miss my 05S52 friends.

i miss my idol friends.

i miss my cha-pa-lang friends as well!!

hahahahahahha =)

oh wells. listening to john legend makes me kinda emo. oh man. i miss everyone. what am i doing la!!! now is the time when i can REALLY meet up with all of them, and here i am slogging my guts out at work.

sigh. the irony of life.

haha! anywho, shall not be so depressing la. *pui*

shall go steal somemore food!!!!!!!!

p.s: to that certain you-know-who, i know ur reading ur darling's blog and trying to figure me out rite?? mua hahahahhaha. shall not tell you anything here. ke ke ke. im more cunning than you!! :P

bah!!

2007-02-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

Hokay.. CNY's Here!!

alright alright! i get the drift.. new year's here. all the red decorations right in my face, which ever way i turn. *screams*

not to mention the horrendous chinese new year "music". all the clanging and banging, and screeeeeeching sounds of youngs girls trying to sing in their oh-so-high-pitched voice!

*sweating in my pants*

haha. dont get me wrong!! i love cny. but only the part where i get to spend time with the family members i love. ESP my own adorable and oh-so-eccentric family, plus my maternal side.

haha. cant wait to wrestle all those little rugrats. haha.

the one thing that i cannot stand about this time of the year.. is the hypocrisity that surrounds us all.

we meet relatives that we only see once a year. and we always repeat the same questions/answers again and again. very much like a spoilt record player.

haha. i love the goodies as well. bah kua, (my mummy's) pineapple tarts, as well as the many biscuits and kuehs!! *yummy*

sheeeeesh.... which brings me to my second point.

CNY this year usn't as exciting as the others, partly because i dont really FEEL like facing my relatives' teases about my idol stint and plus! i cant even eat all those new year goodies!!!!!!!!!!!

ya know why?????

cause out of the 365 days that i can fall ill, i choose to get a major sickness just one day before new year!!!

yes! that's right! out of all days..

i've contracted the dreadful Gastric Flu just a day before CNY.

yup! so i've more or less been puking my guts out for the past 12 hours..

*boo hoo hoo*

so im just like a lil' sick kitten. whining and groaning, cause every grain of rice and every drop of liquid that i swallow down, just comes right out the same way it went in.

and all that happens in just 5 minutes. haha.

how's that for a jolly good ol' chinese new year?? =)

anyhu, i cant really think straight right now, my mind's in a whirl and my stomach keeps churning.

but one things for sure, some people never change. it still comes as a shock to me whenever i see people cheat on the ones they love, or lie to people that they've known for ages.

i guess cheating/lying/deceiving is one big ol' bad habit that people cant change.

but then again, nothing's really impossible. as long as you let Him lead the way. if you're willing to stop deceiving others and urself, things will eventually become better.

cause, wats the point in lying and making the people around you feel hurt and betrayed? why risk the years of friendship or relationship on a moment of folly? its not worth the sacrifice.

as i've come to learn. You never get the chance to make things right twice. problems, misunderstanding and conflicts have to be settled there and then.

what's the point in dragging things on for so long, and everyon around you ends up hurt.

i've learnt from my mistakes. and im not saying that im the "shit" or the guru when it comes to being deep down in the rut and getting ur life back on track....

but if the pple you love with all your heart are willing to forgive you and take you back, for all the good and bad things you've done, you'll learn that as long as you're willing to let love and let God, things will be just right.

and as much as im a "nice and kind-hearted" and i TRY NOT to bear grudges, i cant help but to say to that certain person, what goes around comes around. *oops*

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were going to make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around'
Cause I know that you're living a lie

That's okay baby
'cause in time you will find
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around...

*BOO YA!!!!!!!

oh ya!!! i've finally been able to find a christian name. mua haha. all because my new work place requires me to have a christian name.

anyhu, with the help of my choir leader, i've been able to find a good and God-given name!! *wooooo hoooo*

Nicole - Victory of the people and the conquerer of circumstances.

wooo hooo!!!!!!!!! how cool is that??

haha. anyhu anyhu, i need to go puke now. cya smellys soon!!!!!!!!!!!

gapper? non gapper?

2007-02-10T02:37:00.000+08:00

(dunno if i'd be sued for illegal use of copyrighted terms..but wth!)

welcome to

The Sunshine state of the GAP

alritey. haha. as some of my fair-and-awful weathered friends may know. i have been working at Gap for aeons. and i have made pretty damn alot of friends!

haha. here's a picture of the oh-so-lovable wendy!!!!!

aaaaaaannnnnnddddd... it was wendy's 17th birthday!!!!!!!!!! haha. so weird rite? woo hoo.. me is old. at a ripe old age of 19. *sniggers*

anyhu, here's THE CAKE.

so freak ass full of chocolate la. its like.. chocolate on chocolate on chocolate!!

*rolls eyes* so much for the diet. i'd still choose a fruit cake/ cheese cake anytime!

hahaha. the lady in light blue is me fellow 19 year old! mua ahha. yes. and her birthday is just a day before mine!!!

her's is 24th may. soooooooooooooooo... that just proves that?????? *inquisitive smile*

*rolls eyes yet again* DUH!!!!!!! 25th may is my birthday la!!!!

sheeeeesh.

hahaha. kk. im scary. im even scaring myself. why am i talking to myself and creating fictional scenarios in my head?? haha!

anyhu, i was just looking for a chance to whine and groan about my job. sure im a good employee and my EXCELLENT service standards have been noticed and acknowledged by my managers... but still.. i dont understand what's up with all these grown ups treating us as though we are child labourers!!!! like hello?!??!!

firstly, i refuse to quit until i have poached every single one of the temp. staff to follow me to quit. haha. and good ol me will find all of em jobs.. cause im changing occupations soon!!!!!!! mua hahahha =)

anyhu, tt's a different story altogether.

its bad enough tt we run around all day long and single-handedly manage tasks meant for 4(no kidding here).. but its so ludicrous to the point that the temp staff are so over-worked and underpayed that we end up knwoing the merchandise and shop inside out, whilst our manager/ supervisors/seniors go about PRETENDING to know where the stuff are.

*laughs*

people, wake up and smell the coffee.

if ur subbordinates know ur company and merchandises than u do.. it only goes to show how well you are doing ur job. sure, ur job is to "manage" us. but hey, i dont see the words "mistreat" or " abuse" in manage.

we as employees so the darnest we can and we work our fingers to the bone. but nothing we do is right, and nothing is ever good in their eyes. its not only mentally exhausting, it's absolutely exasperating!!!!!!!!!!!! like DUUUUUUDES!!!

kk. had enough of whining. shall continue with my paoch staff plan. thank goodness my daddy ol chum ol pal has taught me good.

human rights. and the right... to sue.

(to kick one's ridiculously lazy ass the legal and scheming way!!!!)

*** ah ma.. im still saying a little prayer for u.. everyday***

Jesus, take the wheel.

2007-02-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

Take the wheel...

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
cause i cant do this on my own

I'm letting go.

Give me one more chance
Save me from this road i'm on
Jesus take wheel.
____________________________

oh wells. still trying to get the damn hang of blogging again. kinda having a major brain fart. hahaha.

and watching all these youngsters (and oldies) shaking their asses for all their worth on national television on the dance floor.. isnt exactly helping me to process my thoughts properly.

anywho, i just came home from a very blessed choir practise where i felt my worries and troubles being lifted away from my heavy heart.

sure, im still my hyperactive and sarcastic self. but during those brief times alone, i just cant help but feel the problems tugging at my heart.

and just last night, i just had this sudden urge to cry.
that was just wat i did. i cried for ages.

the thing is, i didnt even know why i was crying!

i only found out about my grandma's condition on saturday and my poor mother had to break the news to us. the one thing that struck me the hardest was how nonchalant my reaction was, as i heard the news.

looking back at how my mother and sister cried so painfully, i wonder how i could remain so indifferent.

i've seen my grandmother get skinnier and skinnier. and i told my mother about it everytime, just bring ah ma for a full body check up! but, i guess my uncles and ah ma herself didnt see the need to.

oh well, as i was saying, i felt sadness in my heart, which was more of like an empty void inside. i didnt know what i was doing the whole day, but saturday just passed like..... eh.. like THAT! ya. it just passed.. like that la!!!

i dunno if i've mentioned this, but the only time when i really broke down was during sunday's worship session. i cried and cried as i sang of His perfect grace and mercy.

as cheesy and cliche as this sounds, serving my Lord and leading His people in song of His grace, really really REALLY puts you so close to Him, you catch glimspes of Him, everynow and then.

i sang my heart out to Him, and He returned by filling the void in my heart with His warm love. i just felt Him calling to me, asking me to open my cold heart and let Him fill it up.

and so i did. and boy oh boy was that a wonderful release.
i cried for the times that my ah ma nagged at me and i whined back at her (when i was young).
i cried for the times that she would take a train all the way down from her house in tampines to my place, just to send my family yummy goodies and snacks.
i cried for all the times i saw that feisty old lady, who had boundless amounts of energy, running after her young grandchildren and forcing them to bathe.
i cried for all the times i raised my voice (a little only!!) to ask her to take those blardy cigarettes out from her mouth.
i cried for the very first time, as i saw the image of my once strong ah ma looking so frail, tired and lifeless,lying on her bed and staring back at me with dazed eyes.

i cried and cried and cried. for my refusal to believe that this is happening to my ah ma. but now, i REFUSE to believe that my ah ma has no time left. and i am not in self denial... i am placing my entire faith in the Lord. my Lord. my solid rock, that never wavers.

i guess this is what its called.

Letting Go.
and Letting God.

when you've fought and fought. when you've lost all feelings and hope.
when all that's left in you is numbness and despair.

Just let it all go.
and let Jesus take the wheel.

im back.

2007-02-04T03:47:00.000+08:00

I'm Back!!!

(this is a very bad picture taken after a long & draining day at work)

ok ok!!! i know i've taken far tooooooo long to update my blog, but thanks to some endless bugging (and not to mention bitching) from my dearest levin ng, i've decided to blog.

now now, dont get too excited. it's been aeons since i've last touched this blog and im still surprised that it still exists. haha! oh wells, NEWSFLASH!!! the reason why i have no time to blog, email, update my friendster or to have a life, is because im so caught up with work and church that i simply have no time to blog.

internet has become a luxury i cant afford.

but not worries, wanhua is still happy. happier than before cause she has found a better calling than wasting her talent and youth away being depressed and constantly belittling herself. (wanhua talks about herself in third person because she's a geek =P)

sadly though, right now for this current entry, there aint gonna be no pretty pictures or camwhoring stuff that i normally put. i am currently under the weather but still full of Faith.

many reasons which i am not sure of, but here a few major reasons which attribute to it.

(i know this whining session is bad, but it'll help me to put things into perspective)

1) My favourite and most darling grandmother has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, and it is in the final stages. i havent told anybody about, only a few close friends. im just stuck at home seeing my poor old mother's face filled with sadness and disbelief. whislt my normally angsty and nonchalant sister is crying almost eveytime someone mentions about anything to do with food, esp. her famous po piahs and curry chicken.

2) Some sorry little juvenile delinquent of an ass stole my habdphone away from me. i've lost my contact list which took me 2 whole years to build up, and it pretty much contains the numbers of everyone that has been a part of my eventful life of 18 years and 2 months.

p.s If anyone reading this loves me enough and still has my number in your phone, kindaly drop me an sms, together with your full name so i can start re-building my contact list. (this is very imp. to me, cause i wanna kep in contact with everyone of you guys.)

ok. im done with the whining. anywho, im trying to remain positive for the sake of not only my grandmother, but my mother and sister as well. this is a time of desperation and helplessness because the *&%^$E%*(*&&%$%$** of a doctors have given up all hope on her and refuse to give her any form of treatment or surgery.

in other words, she is left to die.

worst of all, it seems as though she doesnt know how serious her illness is. she only knows that she has "jit liap" (one lump) in her lungs.

i've tried my darnest best to visit her ever since i've noticed her shrinking in size day by day. and i've been feeling this string tugging at my heart to bring her to one of my church's hokkien services.

i've been praying and God keeps giving me hints that i should get the Mid autumn festival concert DVD for her. i think that is what i shall do.

God is the maker of all wonder. If He can clothe the lillies of the valley, and feed the birds of the sky, what more can He do for His dear child.

If anyone who has the least bit love for me as a friend, please say a little prayer for my grandmother.

she is the one who woke my brother and i up at 4am just to get to school on time. (but we ended up being stuck outside the school, because we were SO early) *grin*

she is the one who painstakingly raised 6 children by her own self after her husband died tragically at the age of 40.

she is the one who tirelessly looks after every single one of her grandchildren, making sure they are bathed, clean, healty and well behaved. even if it means to nag and threathen to release the "police" on us =)

she is the one who so amazingly pronounces our favourite (as children), McDonald's as Mac-nor-ner.

she also affectionateyly calls my dad, Steven, as tee-boon.

(it never fails to crack me up)

sigh. she may be a tough nut, but thanks to her, we (her children and her grandchildren) have turned out to be well brought-up and well mannered. sure we make her boil at times, but you can tell but the slight grin on her face that she's proud of what we've become, and that she loves us more than we actually realise.

ah ma, i'll be praying for you everyday. i believe you'll still be around to nag at me when im getting fat, to compliment me when i've lost weight, and to always bring my favourite sour plums and popiah over, whenever you can.

i love you ah mah. and i pray that you wont be taken away from us, not before you have been blessed with endless Grace and return back to the Heavenly Father who so eagerly awaits your return to Him.

Dear Lord, dont let the devil take her away from us.

*in Jesus name i pray. Amen.*

justin timberlake

2006-12-04T14:30:00.000+08:00

im in love

yes. i'm in love.

i've gotta confess about my new obsession.

justin timberlake. *ooooooooh*
drool worthy and drop dead sexy, yo!

anyhu, since lousy ass blogger doesnt let me upload his fantastic live performance, pple.. go look at my friendster account.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's so hhhhhhhoooooot!!

woo hoo!! free at last

2006-12-04T11:59:00.000+08:00

Emancipation of Wannie

mua hahahahahhaha. no matter how corny this title sounds. its freak ass so adequate to describe my feelings now!!

wooooooo hooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps around hysterically*

see! my pre-A's life has officially kick started again. at full drive!!!! bwua hahahaha!

k la. im jus so deliriously happy that i can finally hang out with the girls. (that includes u 2 as well, levin & paul!!) im at such a state of happiness that it's just orgasmic. hahahaha. a word which my darling boobies likes to use ;P

ok ok. this cam whoring thingy feels weird right now. haha. no thanks to the precious days n nights i've spent struggling with my mugging sessions. haha. i've become reaquainted with my "panda eyes" gene. hahaha!!!

and because the time i spent mugging for the A's was sooooooo tiring. i refused to take pictures. mua ha. thus, no hard evidence of the hideous looking panda-fied wannie *sniggers*

im just really really happy to be back!!! *screams*

and in the words of Diddy & chirstina aguilera in "tell me",

"i know ya gonna like it. so tell me how you want it.

you dont need to buy it. just tell me how you like it.

Do that shit. do it. do it"

oh oh oh!!! here is the 05S52 gang at peace's house. woo hoo!! sorry though, this is the only picture i took all night long cause i was to busy kicking ass at mahjong. mua haha.

alright. fine xinyao and boon hao!! i didnt exactly kick ass la. but AT LEAST i was better than the newbies. mua hahah. cant help it cause the last time i've actually touched a mahjong tile was last year! (i think)

mua haha. it was fun to finally hang out together as a class at last, with no exams stress or any other shit. haha =)

haha. alright alright. i lied. here i am cam-whoring. *sigh*

anyhu. PROM IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! i am in a shitty state, cause im so excited!! this is my freaking first prom la! hahaha.

zara zara zara zara zara. mua hahahaha. i bought my dress from hong kong's zara. wtf man!!! their zara was freaking 5 storeys high!!! *drools* haha. now i know what it's like to shop till you drop.

ke ke ke. pple who wish to see a sneak peek of my dress.... i have only one thing to say...

TOO BAD!! u've just gotta wait till after the 5th of dec, tuesday. haha. cause tt's the only time im gonna show my dress. ahhhh. i love my dress. i love my shoes. i love my clutch bag. i love my make-up set. i love my new hair colour.

I am ready for anything, baby! this is the new and highly improved WanHua ;P

this is a nice lil' drawing that i did of our "idol" family. mua hahha.

no prize for guessing who's who =)

GOSH! i miss everybody so much and im so happy to finally be ablt to hang out. haters and weirdos alike.... take a queue number and wait in line, cause it's gonna be a long while till im gonna let u guys get to me.

*boo ya!!!

oh wells

2006-11-25T20:27:00.000+08:00

Love Letter to My Dear

ANDREA

(a.k.a anonymous)

*applause* congratulations andrea!!!!!! you've finally embraced your God-given identity! well done! i am honestly so happy for you.

and just to prove how DULL and BORING i am.. i've decided to dedicate an entire entry to you! the fact that im writing this miles away in the country of Hong Kong, is a proof of my un-ending love for you, my dear.

i sincerely apologise for the lack of diverse and exciting images because (as a heiress like you should know) travelling to another country kinda limits your time for image-surfing on the net.

anyhu, judging by the fact that i dont even know you, and i probably wouldnt in my entire life span, i have only 3 loving words to say to you, hun.

GET OVER IT!

my few-weeks stint on your precious prime time slots on channel5 has ended aeons ago. to my dear, it's time to let go.

yes. i know its painful, but you have to do it! i wouldnt wanna see you come to harm.

since my (may i be so bold as to quote once again) dull and boring personality irks you so much, quit obsessing over my blog then, babe! *sigh* i know you love me. but there's really no need to stalk me everyday you know?

but if it turns you on in anyway, then so be it. you can feel free to diss me everyday. a word of caution though, you'd only get more irritated and that in turn will increase the need for your heart to pump faster, and in turn, with that strenuous activity on your ateries & all, it'll have adverse effects on your health!

anyways, i highly doubt you and your passe of heiress-to-be friends would be interested in a mere civilian like myself. so i bid you farewell my royal highness and peace out!

" never would i hate on those who hate on me,
never would i diss on those who diss on me.
for compassion and forgiveness
is what the Lord has graciously given to me."

p.s :: the fact that i made it onto your heiress's television set along with the other 27 of us, who were plucked from obscurity out of the thousands, only goes to show my talent to 'deafen' you =)

yours always,
wanhua

pictures..

2006-10-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

mien is one hot babe. hahaha. as i've said.. we went to a birthday party and boy oh aboy was it a kick ass party. djs spinning, glorious food.. yummy yummy. thanks mien!!! ur the best!!! haha.

for a 17 year old.. she had stuff that i'd only have at my wedding man. hahah! *loves

those were the days

those were the days when we hung out so often that spending one day apart seemed like forever.

oh man!!!!!!!!!!! i miss all of you soooooooooooooo much.. sigh.. no thanks to MY A's.. lev's sch term starting and woon's gargantuan pile of projects to finish.. we've not met in.. *screams* a week!!! ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha. how classy, ladies. how classy..... *rolls eyes* haha. i miss "fooling" around with this babe la.. haha. woonie!!!!!!!!!! where r u ?!?!?

he pisses me off at times. he irks me most of the time. he does his diva motions + whistle voice *waves hand hysterically*

but i miss him so.. my bro!!!!! where u, yo???? *tears*

where are we heading from this point onwards?? hahaha. we often ask ourselves this question dont we all?

slogging our asses off for Lord knows wat.. we students study and mug like lunatics.. all to get a coveted spot in a local Uni.. but many of us never ever get into our desired course.

even in JC, our parents decide what we study and what school we enter. damn. i so badly wanna do mass comm. *Lord give me the strength to mug*

tee hee hee hee. woon looks DAMN scary.. and i look like a funky bumble bee la. hahaha!!! *wtf*

oopsy daisy!!! fell outta frame!! +P

ahhh.. there it is. perfect shot!! =P

*disclaimer* its just an optical illusion. im not really licking her face.. not that kinky ya?? hahaha!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! sick of studying!!!!!!! its late.. my head hurts.. too many things to think about.. my brain's too saturated to do any blogging now.. haha.

love u all. i miss my crazy fellas. lets meet up soon. oh pretty pretty please?? =)

matt's birthday!!

2006-10-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAaaaahhh!!!

oh my gooooooooooooodness!!! hahaha. the ass of an matthew is finally legal. hahaha.

hey biatch, happy birthday to you! you're a blaaaaaaardy fool! you're so freeeeeaking leeeeeeeeeeeeeee-heeeee-gal.. happy birthday to you! =)

kk. wanhua is soooooooo officially drained. i've studied too much man.

A's has been draining the life outta poor ol' me. been trying so hard to study, but hardly anything goes into my head.

guess trying just doesnt cut it eh?? i gotta mug my sorry little ass off.

anyhuuuuu!!! back to my NORMAL LIFE (outside studying), i went to choir practice today. it was preeeeeeeeeetty enlightening. in more ways than one.

what my choir leader, wendy, said today was pretty relevant to all the young singers in choir. being young and "pure", we're all still trying to find out who we really are as young adults and therefore, we normally seek solace in the wrong arms.

the arms of a man, is not where all your troubles will end.
the arms of alcohol, will not drown out your anguish & confusion.
the arms of cigarettes and drugs, will not ease your pain.

it is the mighty arm of the Lord who will guide you through any obstacles in life and any heartbreak that you're going through.

keeping your heart, body and soul pure is the least you can do for your future life partner, whoever he/she may be.

this is one thing that is on everybody's lips but the very thing that is so hard do. humans cant help but depend on others (esp. the opp. sex) for comfort and reassurance.

and what wendy said today made me realise.. why look at the opp. sex for reassurance and comfort when the very One who knows our worth is just right there infront of us.

anytime, anyday, anyplace.

it makes one wonder........ with all the stories of girls getting cheated and boys getting jilted. haven't we heard enough of such stories to stay away from it all??

as they say... curiosity killed the cat. even adam and eve succumded to temptation, which is the result of curiosity. and thus, we all are born sinners.

but why should we dwell on our sorry-ass past.. when there's that one Father there who'll forgive you of all your sins and past mistakes.. and let you fall into His comforting arms.
(definitely ten times more comfortable than flesh)

well.. its easy to say..but hard to put into actions. i will work hard at it. haha. being man-crazy doesnt really help man.. it'll be a drastic change. from being dependant on a man for reassurance, i shall be dependant on the one true person who really loves me.

*a little prayer*
I may not know who you are, my love...
but i'm looking forward to the day i say "i do"..
im looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you..
im looking forward to having beautiful children with you..
im looking forward to the day the Lord places you in my life.
and i pray that the Lord will send me a godly man who deserves me.

i love you loads!! (my future husband...)

hahahaha. i know this may sound stupid to some. but i honestly believe that my husband is out there waiting for me. he's somewhere around. i just know it. haha.
*sigh*

doesnt it bring a whole new bringing to the song.. "love is in the air" +P

i

2006-10-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

Funny Song..

i've heard this song alot of times before.. but due to the stupid haze.. i was so stoned that i actually LISTENED to the lyrics.

and boy oh boy is the lyrics funny man!!!!!! haha.. trust dionne warwick.. a classic blues/jazz singer to come out with such a weird-ass song.

haha. here it is!!!

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, he'll never phone ya
I'll never fall in love again

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So far at least until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again

shalom

2006-10-13T04:26:00.000+08:00

What is that i see?

enough with petty behaviour and enough with the bitch fest.

those who are happy will be happy, those who are together, just stay together.
and Everyone will be happy.

sick of this bullcrap. its childish.

everyone just shut up.. erase all the nonsense from your head and move on.
puuuuh-lease man. just disrupted a perfectly good night.

however so......
God bless you two. Honestly.

*Shalom shalom sar shalom*

what is love??

2006-10-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

Lemme See.. .. .. ..

well alright.. that's a REALLY kick-ass photo that levin has done for me. hahaha!! *hugs lev*

don't i look like a pweeeeeeeeeee-teeeeeeeee fairy?? haha. gosh.. niiiiiice man.. niiiice..

well.. gotta admit..ur creative dude.. haha!!!

anyhu.. been feeling kinda angsty and extremely drained this few days. not to mention.. i've been extremely disgusted with how some people regard relationships.

hey..im not saying i'm miss perfect, but at least i treat every single realtionship i have as something sacred and priceless.

but i've seen an INCREASED number of "cases", be the culprit female or male, everyone of these people treat love/relationship/attraction like some kind of game.

OR... something trivial, not really important and not worth mentioning.

im not just talking about me.. SOOOO many of my friends have fallen prey to such people!

i've been too nice.. too quiet.. too understanding.. for FAR TOO long. i've had just about enough with such irresponsible behaviour. honestly.

___________________

Dudes & Dudettes,

if you have no interest in a long-term relationship and/or are just "testing the waters", DO NOT and i seriously mean it.. DO NOT lead the other party on.

have some sense of responsibility people. these are human hearts we're talking about, not some chew toy or play-doh. hearts do breaks. heartbreaks do hurt.

and that very pain can never be fully healed.

love,

wanhua.

____________________

ok.. that was very cock la. but wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am sooooooo angry!! and boobies im sure u know what im talking about right?

GOSH!! like honestly, i do not get it. how can people treat relationships like dirt? as though it's nothing more than some sport/game.

im not saying that everyone, cause i know there are people who tell you they LOVE you and they mean it *smile*

but then.. there are those. yes. those infuriatingly selfish people who use the word LOVE... as often as they say hello.

the word "love", should only be said to someone whom you TRUELY feel connected AND are willing to commit to.

and mind you, the keyword here is commit, not connection. yes, only if you are willing and can commit, then you are definitely welcomed to use that word.

but if not....SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

never. never ever ever ever ever use that word if you don't fucking mean it! sorry to those who cant appreciate my crude words. but honestly, im so disgusted by this kinda behaviour.

God made everyone of us special, unique and to be treasured...especially... us..women.

as the famous saying goes....

Woman was created out of the rib of Man.

not to be stepped on. not to be riden over. by to be kept by Man's side, to be protected and love.

cause for every tear She cries..... God cries with her too.

sorry to everyone who has had to read this dreary and long entry...i just feel very strongly for this topic k?? hahahha.

anyhu.. my friends have helped me realise.. i've been too nice.. too forgiving.. and too quiet.

and boy oh boy isit time to speak up.......

"cause time has made me strong, I'm starting to move on.

I'm gonna say this now, your chance has come and gone.

cause you know....It's just too little too late..a little too wrong and I can't wait .

You say you dream of my face, but you don't like me.

you just like the chase.

to be real, it doesn't matter anyway.

You know it's just too little too late.

Oh..and now you wanna communicate???

........You know it's just too little too late"

_______________________

on a lighter note...i have sooooooooooooooo many pictures taken with my fellow camwhores and lovely friends. hahahaha.

it's time to show their lovely faces again!!!!!!!!!! cause i bet alot of you miss their lovely faces rite?? as well as mine, i hope?? *sniggers*

KIDDING LA!!

here's levin and matt. hahahahhaha. levin's trying to look blur and innocent (in case you didn't realise)

but honestly... levin.. u no need to act la!!!!!! *sniggers* kk. im the biatch kks?? we still love u loads.. don't we pple?? +P

pretty me. busty woon. sassy/sexy tash.

hahahhahha!! coolness. have i told u guys how much i love woon and tash?? haha. maaaan.. i've not met them in like forever..

and it feeels as though a part of me is missing. honestly!!! i really miss them. *sigh* esp. with so much shit goin on in my life...

but after talking to woon.. i've realised yet another time. its just so disappointing and depressing...and not to mention.. mind-boggling how come people turn out to be the exact opposite of who you thought they were.

once again.. you may have known him as a friend, and regard him as the perfect gentleman and all that bullshit... but honestly.. he aint close to wat you thought.

upsetting, yes. unnerving, hell yes.

i like this picture... ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe its because my face looks remarkably slim.. hahahaha!!

we are on the escalator..going down to Village (and no.. we're not by the sea my dearest.. hahahaha!!!!!)

that's my bro, yo!!!!!!!! haha. my blur and very himbotic himbo-of-a-adopted-brother. hahahha.

he aint heavy... he's my brother *sings* and woon's as well. hahhahahaha!!

keep your friends close.

and to hell with those bullcrap about keeping your enemies closer.

THROW your enemies away. cause you're bigger than them. they don't deserve your attention or your pity.

people who bring you down...... should go down in the dumps.

2006-10-05T00:41:00.000+08:00

*disclaimer! i am just helping my friend broadcast kk.. hahahaha..

Tertiary Fling at MOS

on Oct 12

Free Entry to those 18 and above. Please produce STUDENT ID and IC at door.

MUST BE A STUDENT - Poly, JC, University, Private student whatever lah, as long as you produce a student ID.

Be there by 9.30, latest 10.

Message me or Alan Ho at 98525292 for tickets! =)

2006-10-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

Which Victoria Secret angel are you?

You Are Most Like Gisele Bundchen!

Slightly exotic and perfectly gorgeous.

http://ynr.blogthings.com/whichvictoriassecretangelareyouquiz/

ha!!! shiokness!!! see!!! i am HOT!!!!! *grins*

cold cold heart

2006-10-02T16:03:00.000+08:00

cold, cold heart

I've tried so hard, my dear, to show that you're my every dream

Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme

A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart

Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart?

In anger, unkind words I said that make the teardrops start

Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart?

Another me before my time made your heart sad and blue

And now I know your heart is shackled to a memory

The more I learn to care for you, the more we drift apart

Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart?

quiz ripped off from van

2006-10-01T01:19:00.000+08:00

Quiz ripped off from van =)

as i am bored from all the stoniness and reluctance to study..i decided to do this nonsensical quiz +P

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

- i cant wait to head to the women's meeting later!! but f*ck.. no thanks to the horrid weather..i have 4 pimples on my lovely face.. *&^%$ &^*$#^&

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR"?

- BORE!!!!!

4. Favorite planet?

- URANUS!!! wanna know why? *guffaws* say the name out loud reeeeeaaaally slowly.. (ur-anus)

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call liston your mobile?

- my dear woonie boobies! haha. pang seh queen.. but nvm darling.. i know ur project group sucks.. so i wont condemn u *sniggers

6. What is your favourite song on your ipod?

- (its a tie) impossible by christina aguilera & counting blue cars by dishwalla

7. What kinda clothes do you have on?

- an over sized t-shirt

8. Describe yourself in one word?

- supercalifredilisticaspiledilocious!

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?

- my cutsie pink piglet room slippers.. uber comfy!

10. Bright or Dark Room?

- extremely dark. cause my sis is trying to sleep. haha.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

- tee hee hee. i have loads to say man! but to put it simply.. i absolutely adore her to bits cause she is the few people who can tolerate my nonsense and love me all yr round.. no matter wat i do. PLUS! she's a fellow slacker.. *oops

12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?

- the one which is smaller & with more pillows. do not like sleeping on a big empty bed. far too intimidatingly lonesome.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

- errrrrrrm.. honestly? i cant remember. but i think i was helping my sis put on her make-up before she left to go clubbing *i have a sad life

14. What did your last text message say that you received on your mobile?

- are you sure? i'm still at minds. can you bring me into mos?

15. Where is your letter box?

- 14 storeys below my feet.

16. What's a word that you say a lot?

- vulgarity or non-vulgarity? haha. for the latter.. its WAAAAAH!!

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

- God. during the meeting i attended *it kicked ass!!!

18. Last furry thing you touched?

- i haven't touched anything furry recently. haha. the last thing i consider furry.. is matthew's head. haha!!!!

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

- dont do drugs. period.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?

- none?? i don't develop photos dude!!

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

- its another tie. its 3 vs 18. cause when i was 3..i could scream at anyone & still get away at it.. plus i didnt need to study.. 18.. cause.. IM legal!! duh?!

22. Your worst enemy?

- Me, myself and I.

23. What is your current desktop picture?

- Some design by roslan.. of the top28 contestants. haha. i added some crosses to the faces i dont like *sniggers

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

- kor!!! get out of the damn toilet!!!!!!

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly?

- MONEY LAH DUH! unless..i can use my powers to earn more millions =)

26. Do you like someone?

- i love everybody!!

27. The last song you listened to?

- blind by lifehouse

28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet?

- i would jump infront of the f*cking bullet & use my God-given powers to divert the pathway of the bullet by screeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaming.. thus sending wavelengths which would disrupt the movement of the bullet *brainiac!!!!

29. If you could punch one person in the face who would it be?

- every single mofo who created a mathematical & chemical formula.. plus.. that one lying son of a gun.... *grrrrr

30. What is the closest object to your left foot?

- My box of never ending notes for the A's *faints

31. What do u want now?

- for the A"s to magically disappear & to be loved.

32. Current worry?

- my stupid A's la!!!!!!!!!! duh?!?!

33. Next holiday?

- once again.. after my mother-freaking A's man..... after my A's

remembering those days..

2006-09-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Remember when...

remember when you look forward to that one message from that one person?

just to know that you're on his mind and that he misses you too.

remember when you always had those 5 hour long conversations over the telephone which lasts all the way into the night?

just to let you know that you mean so much to him that he's willing to sacrifice his precious sleep for you.

remember when you always had that special phone call/reporting call awaiting for you once who've settled into your room?

just to let HIM know that your safe and that he misses you dearly.

remember when you two would have long, long, long walks to nowhere?

just to enjoy each others company and soak up the tenderness of his sincere words and mesmerising looks.

remember when he would hold you so close whenever you were cold. so close, that you could smell the strong masculine scent of his colonge. the cologne you bought for him as a present?

just to prove how much he appreciates every single gift you have given to him and that he would sacrifice his own warmth to keep you nice & cosy.

remember when he would always send you right to your doorstep and plant a loving kiss on your lips, even when he lives in on the opposite side of Singapore?

just to make sure that you are home safely, because you are so precious and deserving in his eyes.

remember when.......
remember when.......
remember when.... those days were mine

hady mirza!!!

2006-09-26T16:43:00.000+08:00

Hady Mirza

nerves went haywire.

jitterbugs ruled the indoor stadium.

everyone hands clamped tightly together..

as we awaited the anouncement of Our Next Singapore Idol.

(it was difficult to enjoy the show man.. we kept worrying about the impending results)

when Gurmit finally said the words....

"The next Singapore is............ HADY MIRZA!!!!!!!"

mayhem broke loose in the stadium. everyone around me jumped up from our seats and screeched at the top of our lungs!!

we couldnt be happier with the results. but with that said, the both deserved to win..cause they are both so f*cking good. hahahaha!!

*but hady always has my heart..being the soul papa!!* +P

when Hady sang his song.. you give me wings, it suddenly dawned on us that Hady was our friend!!!

he was like an elder brother to all of us..with his manic "cold" jokes and his constant teasing about my dimples.

*gosh* The Singapore Idol.... Hady IS the singapore idol!!!!!

it was all too much for us to take.. but after a long and gruelling 6 months.. we have finally crowned a deserving winner.

huge credit goes to both the boys..for putting such a thrilling and exciting grand finale. as cliche as this sounds, they are both winners.

and boy oh boy would you definitely be seeing more and more of them both!

here's our group picture!! taken outside the stadium after an exhilirating night. look at woon!! *guffaws* i can just picture Hady striking the same pose as her =)

and there is this funky light saber thing which had strategically placed itself at a compromissing position... at primero's left nostril. *rolls onto floor laughing*

we still love you prim!!! hahahaha.

haha. i guess you know pretty well the two camwhores in the back row..so i shall not introduce "them" +P

in the front row..... first up.. matthew!!!! (dunno what's his surname la) haha. lev's good looking friend who kept on saying that i look like jean danker. like... thanks ah!!!!! *slaps* haha.

next up!!! tasha traaaaaaaaaazil!!!!! half fillipino girl. haha. she is the funniest shit i've ever met. and we just met each other on tues.. but we already click like long-lost friend. hey babe!! *yaaaaaaaaa-maaaaa-haaaaaaaa*

and last but not least... the lady with the mighty voice and who can burp on call.. Shirin!!!! it's amazing that she works in a bank man. hahaha. how nice.... =)

alright..after we reclaimed our voices from all the screaming..a few of us headed for prata at our usual place =)

oh wells. on a final note, i was smiling through the whole song that hady last sang. it was brilliant. a brilliant and heart-warming ending to this entire race.

To my fellow top28, the road was long and tough.. but here's our final winner/leader/boss....

HADY MIRZA.
my hat's off to you brother!! +)

dim sum at crystal jade.

2006-09-25T03:07:00.000+08:00

Dim Sum Dollies!!! (and one hunky)

i went for a scrumptious hi-tea with woonie, levin and jasmine. haha. the main reason for this meal was sorta to welcome back jasmine and celebrate her freedom after idol!! haha.

naaaaaaah.. we've missed her like hell and we couldnt wait to hang with her, once again. so we slotted ourselves into her busy schedule to dine together =)

ain't she the most angelic thing u've ever seen?? *oozing with sweetness* hahahaha. love you jas.

ok ok ok. lunch was fantastic, as we all know. haha. cause you can never go wrong with dim sum man!! NEVER!! haha.

but the one thing that makes our meetings always so special and fun.. is the very fact that we're all goof balls! and we have tons of fun.. and make lots of noise in restaurants!!

which is why.. u would probably see a sign outside crystal jade which says.. "No entry to any Singapore Idol contestants". ahhaha! man... we laughed like mad la.

and how can someone not have a good time with such kick-ass friends?? just look at woon!!! trying to stuff her face with jellyfish.. haha. and playing with her chopsticks.

i know u aspire to be able to eat as much as a walrus. but huge long teeth.. aint exactly your look babe. *sniggers*

even jas couldnt help but point, stare.. and laugh!!!

then of cause..there's our little adopted brother.. who would do ANYTHING..to prove us wrong. haha. fine!! i lost the bet.. so what!?! haha.

and of cause.. there's the ANGELIC me.. sitting quietly in one corner. and being up to any mischeif at all. i cant help it if im soooooooo nice and well-mannered man! *cough cough cough*

woon,levin and myself.. suddenly realised that the last time we got to have a nice, long hearty meal together was about 2 months ago.

2 long and lonely months.

for jas..it was 2 gruelling months trying to fend off all the nasty and mean assholes who tried to make her live a living hell.

but being the angel she is.. she just let the snide remarks go pass her and let God's grace fill her life.

ATTA girl!! =)

we are all super duper proud of you.. and how you handled things dear. *hugs*

hey..with glorious food..and kick-ass friends.. how can one not help but smile?!?! =)

i love u guys sooooo much.. *salivery kisses to all*

oh oh oh!!!! here's the super ultra good egg white thingy. haha. woon is like a freaking regular here.. so we let her do the ordering of dishes.

man was this dish ultra good. *yuuuuuuum* chinese food..is Zee best!!

*all my chinese food junkies.. throw ur hands up at meeeeeeh!!!!*

alright, the xiao long bao was abit disappointing cause there wasnt any soup in the dumpling!!

haha. but they seemed to enjoy it. hahha.

this is something i made them order. cause it is oh-so-gooooooooood man.. fried eel in sweet sauce. *drools*

i dunno why..but i just the crisp texture and sweet taste to it.. damn.. its sooooo good!!

alright.. this is NOT FOOD!

haha.this is my newly acquired golden guitar brooch. it loooks really nice!! so i used it as a pendant on a gold chain.

hey... gold is ghetto alright. ghetto gold =)

ok.. aside from the fact that levin was in shot.. this is a good picture right?!??!?! haha. *proud*

ke ke ke. fine fine.. i got bored after stuffing my face with food..so i decided to take arty farty pictures. and this is the only decent one!!!! +P

friends.

i never knew how priceless they were until this year.

my sec sch best friends..jc classmates..dance khakis and idol mates..

all where sent to me by the One above. they have brought me soo much joy and comfort in the past years and im sure.. they will always be there, no matter what.

i know this is like some sappy shit.. but honestly.. i thank God everyday for sending me such quality friends whom i know i can always rely on whenever the world seems to go against me.

friends... honestly.. are there.. through thick and thin....

*can never tell u guys how much i love u all*

i wanna scream!!!

2006-09-20T23:12:00.000+08:00

I wanna scream!!!!!!

kk. i know i've been having alot of fun lately and alot of exciting things are happening in my life.. such as heling hot brazilian male models change & laughing my ass off...buuuuuuttt..

i just wanna scream. *i think im gonna hyperventilate*

im feeling f*cking betrayed and lied to. thanks man.
but bet he doesnt even know who he is.

like wtf. i found out SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many things today.

oh yes, i did.

all the lies you've told me and all the tears you've made me cry. thanks.

when shitty things happen to you, just fall on you knees... stretch your arms out to the sky... and say a loud..

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*breathes heavily* i am sooooo pissed. i dunno if i'll be able to stop myself from slapping your face the next time i see you on the streets.

to think that i let you ruin my outing when i saw you from on the opp. street. stupid me. yes, stupid wanhua.

dunno why i even let you get to me. i actually stopped in the middle of the streets to cry. yes. i cried. ONCE AGAIN. for you.

*arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhh*

i'll learn to be wiser. i'll learn to scrutinise people more. just because i know someone as a friend, doesn't mean i'll be fully aware of how he'll be as a person.

i've regretted my choice to let you get through to my heart. i regret it sooooo much.

i guess the more i wanted it. the more it hurt.

*i've got to stop crying*

why is it that you NEVER know what you've got till its gone? it is soooo freeeeeaaaaking-chicken true la. even me! i'm so super guilty of that as well. and i wanna tell that one particular him.. a heartfelt... ...

IM SORRY.

like, honestly.. i was a total bitch. and finding out how much you mean/worth/love me and all that.. it has made me realise my folly.

BUT it doesnt matter now. u have someone..i wont screw it up for you. cause i know how it feels to be the victim in these kinda situations. to be..the woman left in the ditch in the end.. *pitiful laughter*

you never get another chance at life.

but luckily for some girls, the men they jilted were still dying to get back with her, even with all the shit she put him through.

but hey..who am i to judge? =)

oh wells.. i will not and i REFUSE to be that same nasty person. i will not treat him like a spare tire. only when i realise how good he is, then i just take him back?!

i mean like.. men may be cruel at times.. but there are the few who are.. just...... *sigh* ya..so they dont deserve this kinda shit. like...dude!!!

haha. THAT IS WHY.. i wont be a bitch and make that his life horrible. it is fine without me. he has been fine without me for so long. he will be better in future.i can control my feelings. haha. whatever they are.

i wanna be a selfish bitch..but i don't have the capacity to see him hurt.. yet again.. by me... soooo. i cant control my feelings. sure i can!! ha. *pathetic laughter yet again*

*with a thick country accent* I am stroooong.. baby!!!!

beach parteh!!!!!

2006-09-19T19:11:00.000+08:00

To the Beeeeeeach!!

alrite. me went to the beach with cel, wei ling, jacq and 4 guys. haha! (purposely don't wanna say their names)

anyhu, it was a well deserved break, eventhough i was freaking tired and could barely drag myself up from my bed, after a night of crazy clubbing..

i STILL made it to harbourfront. haha. an hour late. BUT STILL!! i made it okay..

made it in time for subway breakfast.. wah..shiok! haha. ya. if u consider your first meal of the day at 1pm as breakfast la. *sniggers*

haha!

kk. this was ripped off from celena's cam cause i didnt wanna risk spoiling my camera by taking pictures in the rain

but isnt this picture just lovely??!?

high-risk manouver alright..had to take the picture with our bodies in the water.

oh wells. celena decided to risk her camera la. haha..all because i exclaimed.. like.. pretty loudly that the raindrops made the sea look like a night sky.

its a kinda romantic notion, if u think about it. raindrops as stars.. hmmm *dreams*

the sky itself was so dark but somehow, we all had a really kick-ass time..

anyhuuuu!!!! shall talk about how our lovely day started out. (minus the crappy morning wakeup and stuff) +P

here are our boys. who REFUSED to turn around for us to take a lovely picture of them. *rolls eyes* our photography skills are good la!!!

so me and celly were like IDIOTS. asking them to turn around for super long.

here is a sample of our conversation:

girls: "hey! turn around! we wanna take a picture of you guys!"

boys: " ---silence--"

girls: " eh handsomessssss?? can u all turn around!!!"

boys: " ---silence--- (after 1 min) Don't want la.."

girls: " *growl* JUST TURN AROUND LA! *kick*"

haha. see!! violence is beneficial in such sticky situations *guffaws*

haha. both me and cel snapped at the same time. so, that explains why only one guy , jing teng (jt), looked at my cam. hahahaha.

so much for GOOD photography skills eh?

haha. this sign should be changed to " please do not kick someone off the moving tram" *sniggers*

i've been having many severe streaks of violent tendencies. so yea. RED ALERT people. wanhua is currently extremely grumpy and an emo-mama. haha.

anyhu, here's another useless sign. sheeeesh. what about all the POOOOOR people who brought their cute little dogs to sentosa?

they would have to WALK all the way down from one beach to another.. *tsk tsk*

bad management man. haha.

speaking of which. we walked for super long la!!!!!!!!!! under the scorching hot sun.. cause there was construction going on, some roads were blocked.

we got lost at one point, but cel, being the navigation genius that she is, managed to save the day!!! hahahaha!!! =)

celly welly!!!!!!!!! the navigation genius.

*sniggers*

here are the dancer girls!!! *cheers*

its been ages since i've last been out with them all la. i miss them like crazy. THANK GOODNESS cel called us along.. haha

from left to right : ME! celena taaaaaan, jacq & ling!!!

i like the new facilities in sentosa..

sure it's messy and mind-boggling to find our way around the beaches.. but hey!! the trams and hot hangouts rock!!!!

psssst!! and.. the lifeguards have become increasingly cuter *Raaaaah!!

ok. this picture is a no brainer. haha!!

my dear miss wong weiling.. as usual.. is threatening poor ol' me!!! *sobs*

hahahahaha!! always one la u!!! miss scary. haha. eh wait.. that's me! kk.

*correction* wei ling is miss scarier-than-me!!!

here is the cutsie jacq and celly. hahaha!! They are soooo funny la!! decided for super ultra long whether or not they should remove their clothes. ahha!

which is REALLY weird.. cause their bodies are okay wat!!! unlike me, this tub of fat. haha!

hey hey hey!! but i am confident k. i like my body the way it is! haha. sure i could use some cardio but bah!!!!!!!!!!! i like it can already!

haha. my future MAN will like me the way i am! *there!* sniggers

oh wells. it did rain like hippos and kangaroos. but!!! we still had a blast playing in the rain!!

haha. it was cool. and i still kicked butt at beach volleyball!! haha. even with the other team coming up with ridiculous game rules and such.. my team still won!!!

hahahahaha!! eat our dust!! +P

they actually made a rule to allow the ball to bounce once on the floor la! and they held the ball in their hands for like.. forever..before passing it onto the next person.

like.. how is that beach volleyball???? haha!!! u guys.. tsk tsk tsk.. cheaters!

well..it rained..it poured.. and the sea was full of funky stuff like seaweed that looked like hair and some like bubbles. ke ke ke.

and weiling.. that *&!*^(*;^&%$#! funny woman.. went to put the seaweed on her face and it looked EXACTLY like a thick green moustache.

haha. i laughed till i turned pink la. and it didnt help that they kept making fun of my laughter.. which in turn.. made me laugh EVEN harder!!!! =)

haha. we played silly games.. like "continue the story"..

i was the last female standing!!!! haha. then it was down to jing teng and andre to fight it out. hahaha.

i forgot who won la.. but it was FREEEEEEEEEEAKING funny.

then we competed to see who could keep a straight face the longest.. haha. but i sucked at that!!!!!!!!

haha. well.. at least for 2 rounds i was the last 2 standing.. haha. unlike people (like jing teng and jacq) who could barely keep from smiling for a sec. haha. it was so funny.

man...i think i laughed so much the entire day my stomach started forming abs la +P

ooooh!! we also swam to the opposite island as well..without weiling.. haha. with the quicksand like shore..i refused to stand on it!!! haha!!

then we had a lovely dinner at seah im hawker centre.. sugar cane juice and my favourite.. BEE HOON GORENG!!!!!!!!! waaaaaaaaaaaahhh.. *drools*

oh wells. although the day before this sentosa outing was REALLY CRAPPY and it pissed me off like crazy.. i still managed to laugh my head off at the silly antics and games my friends came up with.

man.... i take my hats off to u guys la. u all made my day that much better. and super ultra fuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrnnniiiiiieeeee.. ;P

the beatles..if i fell in love with you

2006-09-13T18:53:00.000+08:00

The Beatles.

"If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand?

Cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holdin' hands.

If I give my heart
To you, I must be sure
From the very start
That you
Would love me more than her..."

if i fell in love with you - The Beatles.

If a picture paints a thousand words..

If actions spoke louder than words..

well.. i don't really have much to say. it says it all.

ha.

Legendary band.
Legendary careers.
Legendary lyrics.
Legendary melodies.

yes. the beatles. ROCK!

the room..

2006-09-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files.

They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room, with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content.

Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents."I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth.

Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out.

Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards.

But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With."

The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.

They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.

No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.

He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards.

But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive.

The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written......
__________________________

what have YOU done in your life? what will YOUR story be?

would YOU be able to face him when u go to heaven??

now i have a task at hand. i have so much more to live. but not for myself.. For Him.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Philippians 4:13

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3: 16

you dont know me??!?!!

2006-09-09T02:52:00.000+08:00

Tainted Love..

it all started like this... and it developed into something so complicated.. my mind cant catch hold of what's happening.

love & adoration.

then comes temptation for you.

confusion for us.

depression for me.

nicely shared emotions?? *i guess not*

what am i to do now? pretend? how am i to react? what can i say?

"would u like coffee? how was your day? is everything going fine for you? does it still hurt? have you been taking care of your body & health?"

no. i cant say any of these.

oh. wth. why are u always in my head?
i cant help it.

when the night falls.. and the weather grows cold.. and when sappy love songs play constantly...i cant but think..................

u disappeared. then reappeared. what am i left to do. nothing.

i wanna build a high wall around me. i need it.

i want to run to a nation where love and sadness doesn't exist. but that place will only come at the end of the road... which is still far ahead.

i just feel like crap.

im left helpless, vulnerable, laying naked on the floor.

my tears are falling... and they're never gonna stop entirely..

*i've lost*

nonsense seventeen party

2006-09-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

wonder woman?

no.. CHANEL woman!!

haha. alrite alrite. i've officially lost it.

but hey!! this chanel wall is so freeeeakin' cool la!! haha. couldnt help but snap a few shots with it.

oh.. as u can see.. i am wearing "skanky" fish net stockings..

why, u might ask??

cause i had to go to this BOLLOCKS seventeen party , which wasnt even a party, and the dress code was Punk Rock.

so yea. like wtf.

i WORE my tarty fish nets and ripped denim skirt.. and when i reached zouk, the freaking place was filled with pink teenage bobbers.

wtf*****

and worst of all.. it wasnt even a party. there wasnt even any music playing!!!

and when the band FINALLY performed, they sucked. BAD.

the whole event was just a beauty pageant. full of terrifyingly anorexic chicks with horribly styled outfits.

hahahahahhaha. i am so evil. kk. being a lil bit too critical here.

but its not my fault la. cause i couldnt even get a decent drink!!!!!!!!!! like.. hello????

no alcohol??? why no alcohol??!?!?!

oh.. *smacks forehead* its an underaged party eh?? no wonder.

FFFFFffffffffffffffffffffff..

see why im so pissed?? haha.

oh wells. here's the group of REALLY bored .. and LEGAL people who were just itching for a drink and some boogy-ing.

but noooooooooo..

no drinks. no music. no boogy at all.

anyhu.. see the guy on the right??? take note of him k? im gonna talk about how we sabotaged him.. a lil later. * evil laugh*

yea yea.. so here is me and celena. camwhoring to keep ourselves occupied.. haha!

okay okay!!! let's talk about that dude. kk. his name is jing teng.. a.k.a jt.

he's a basketballer and all.. so yea.. hot bod..

but!!!! here's where it gets saucy *sniggers*

the seventeen party was sooooooooo dreadful, so i decided to work some magic and managed to get me, cel, gab and jt into Devils' Bar. and courtesy of the kick-ass band, we got 2 huge jugs of whiskey + coke.

aaaaanyhuuuu.. then!! since they gave us free drinks.. we had to return them the favour in some way rite?? haha.

and since i couldnt jam (under contract still..) sooo.. the 3 of us.. cunning lil' things.. sabo-ed jt!!!!!!

we bluffed that it was his birthday so he had to go onto stage and had to do a body shot.

body shot = lick salt off a woman's body part, gulp a shot of tequila and suck on a lemon which is placed in the woman's mouth.

and of cause.. the lady had to lick his body too =)

mua hahahahaha. u can just imagine.

hot young bod. haha. with alot of "aunties" around. when he lifted up his shirt, all the ladies practically fainted la!! even the dancer wanted a piece of him.

*laughs*

celena recorded the ENTIRE process. but.. its too explicit. so too bad pple!!mua haha.

all i can say.. is that they licked each other.. swallowed some booze and sucked on some lemon.. =)

anyhu.. after we had enough fun shaking our booties.. (guys included) we decided to head home.

haha. but being the restless brats that we are. we decided to head down for a movie at cine!!! *yea*

and here is the GLORIOUS chanel wall.

*pwhroar....

coolness *P

saw it as we were making our way to cineleisure..

its such a beauty.

it looked soooo good, i just wanted to grab a bite la!!

haha.. alrite alrite!! im corny*

cant help it.

cel n me realised one cool fact.

late in the night.. in town.. u can practically do WHATEVER u want!! and nobody will stop u or look at u in a funny way!!!!!!!!!!!

haha. soooooo.. we screamed n laughed our heads off and sat in fridges to cool ourselves down.

*lovely*

we decided to watch monster house. cause celena.. DIE ALSO WANNA WATCH HORROR.

and me?? DIE ALSO CANNOT WATCH HORROR.

i have a self-confessed phobia for horror films la. haha! so we met each other half way and settled for the horror animation..

it was pretty scary though!!! haha. i had to clutch tightly to cel's arm. hahahaha.

hahahaha. lookey here.

who do u see ladies??

tell me.. who do u see??

*screams* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

its the super ultra duperly hot stuff gardener from wisteria lane...

who is also known as mrs solis's devilishly naughty/hot/sexy/drool-worthy boy toy in desperate houswives.

damn.

John Tucker must be mine!! *sniggers*

he is soooooooooooooo hot.

his super wide grin is so charming *sigh*

chicks like me.. dig super nice & big-ass smiles..

if only i was half as hot as eva longoria.. then i'll be able to snag one like him!!

*sniggers* continue dreaming wanhua.. continue dreaming.........

please be responsible..

2006-09-07T01:49:00.000+08:00

People..

Please be responsible..

i don't get it.

why cant people be responsible and sensible??

i mean.. why wont u guys feel guilty for f*ing around with people's feelings??!

honestly man.. its bad enough going through all this shit myself..
but to know that my friends have to go through it as well..

is pretty much a double whammy.

PLEASE!!! paging all males in the world.. please start being responsible. if you are not ready for commitment.. dont freaking play around with girls!

and girls.. please be sensible..

aiyah. fine. im ranting off again.

Never regret what you have done,
cause time can never be turned around.

it's the same as hammering nails into a wall..
no matter how hard u try to pull it out and conceal the hole..
the damage will always be there.
and it will never ever go away.

*argh*
self-confessed angsty feminist.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!

2006-09-04T01:34:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord....

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am damn damn damn damn damn damn damn happy.

i made it into the New Creation's choir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*delirious with happiness*

Praise the Lord.

I believe i have better things in store for me... because He is mighty, He is good.
i am so happy.

*la la la la la la la la*

_______________

HA! i knew it!!!

just as i've predicted.. some sad little being has come to spam my blog.. JUST BEEEECAUSE....

*sigh* nvm. little miss wanhua is too happy now. i forgive you.

yes.
YOU!
ya. the anonymous one who doesnt dare to stand up like a man!!! (that is if you ARE a man)
oh wells.

hey!!!! no judgment there man. haha. u can say what u wanna, u can feel wat u wanna. aint nobody's gonna stop u.

but don't try and rain on my parade.

I AM BIGGER THAN YOU. (in the name of Christ)

so say what u wan... haha. its all just words dude.. all just words..

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! cause it IS amazing that i made it in... but then again..my God IS amazing. so thanks!!! thank you for praising my Lord and me. haha.

oh wells.....since u wanna play.....

let's just see how well YOU measure up in terms of vocal abilities eh buddy??

=)

Once again..... may God bless your tortured soul.
*Amen

kelly clarkson- walk away

2006-09-03T00:46:00.000+08:00

ROOOOOOOCK ONNN!!!!!!

all my ladies.
independent.
throw your hands up at meeeeh..

ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *raaah

yes. you know what peeps? i've been through soooo much failure and rejection, it seems almost a part of my life.

but i aint gonna hang my head down low. no no no no.
uh-uh. *waves finger*

i am just gonna kiss all my troubles goodbye and say a BIG..FAT.. LOVING..

F**K OFF!!!!!!!!!

haha.. kk. can picture alot of people shaking their heads already. esp. emm and jo-jo. mua hahah,

hey!! relac la!! im trying to destress kk? *loves*

anyhuuuuu.. now.. i may be a lil chubby.. a lil flobby.. a lil stupid.. a lil bit down.. a lil bit tired..

BUT!! i swear. i am gonne be back. 101%. full force. THE wanhua.

haha. very drama rite me? haha.

nair mind. i like can already.

oh gosh.. its amazing how things can change from one side of the spectrum to the next.

one moment you're freaking emo and sobbing your eyes out.. or drowning ur lungs.. ahahha... and the next, u're so busy with the things in your life.. you can just block out everything that happens.

i really love my friends. thanks for always being here for me. wouldnt know what to do wihtout you. hahha!

someday.. i will look like her. confident, strong, brave and slim. hahahahha!!! =P

and i'll hold my head up high and sing.........

I waited here for you like a kid waiting after school

So tell me how come you never showed

I gave you everything and never asked for anything

And look at me, I'm all alone

So before you start defending, baby

Stop all your pretending

I know you know I know So what's the point in being

so, "Let's get this show on the road today"

I'm looking for attention, Not another question

Should you stay or should you go

Well, if you don't have the answer

Why you still standing here

Hey, Just walk away

I want a love, I want a fire

To feel the burn My desires

I want a man by my side

Not a boy who runs and hides!!!!!

yup. it'll come soon. i can feel it in my bones. haha. i've just been showering myself in God's wonderous love for ME!!!! yes.. me!!!!! (like duh.. of cause HE loves u guys too)

LALA TAN!!! yes. what u've said is true. i WILL try to listen to my own advice k??

haha. reuse, reduce, recycle.

*kisses*

oh ya. as u can see in this picture.

i have only one message to all of my problems..

school..exams.. fats.. water retention.. cramps.. headaches.. love..... the works..

JUST ONE WORD FOR ALL OF IT..

F**K OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha. take that and that and that!! :P

*DISCLAIMER*

this is not meant for ANYONE. it is meant as a stab at my problems.

hmmmm... unless..

you're toking about that one lil sorry ass...

haha. yao han!!!!!!!!! *grrrrrrrrrrrr*

super funny videos

2006-09-02T03:00:00.000+08:00

You guys......

HAVE TO WATCH THIS

NO MATTER WHAT

http://intelligentsingaporean.wordpress.com/2006/08/27/indignation-videos/

i can safely tell you now.. that u will laugh till u pee in your pants.

confirm plus chop plus guaranteed!!!!!!!!!!! =)

outing with daddy and mummy..

2006-09-01T19:01:00.000+08:00

Remember this car???

hahaha..for those who have been dutifully reading my blog, would know where did car came from. but for those who dunno wth im saying,, kindly scroll down =)

anyhu!!! haha. guess what? as i was leaving my hse today, i came upon that gorgeous tree which uprooted and landed lovingly onto a car. haha.

and here's wat happened to the tree!!!!!!

the poor baby got chopped up!!!!!!!!! hahah. oh wells. who asked it to land on the car.. and cause a massive jam! haha

as u can see in the first picture. it's a MASSIVE tree!!!!!!!!!!!

and imagine it landing infront of your beautiful (and expensive) car. just as you are driving. and minding your own business......

WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *crash*

a big fat tree lands on the front of your car.

wooooooah nelly!! i would just scream my lungs out la!!!!!!!!!! hahaha.

anyway.. yes.. finally it was sunny today!!!!! =)

but i THOUGHT it would rain again.. so i cancelled my sentosa trip.. dang it.. oh wells.. i went out with my daddy n mummy instead!!!!!

oh man. i have missed my daddy so so much. he finally took leave and now he's back in singapore!! with us!!! yeeeeeaaaaaaaa..... *grin*

it gets kinda sad... when im alone in the car... hahahha.. my bro n sis are too old.. they dun like to go out with us anymore. oh wells..

i was just having a helluva good time camwhoring!!!!!!!!!! *wah ka ka ka*

anyhu.. my dad decided to head down to the new outram hawker centre. since his little princess (a.k.a ME) has been a spoilt brat lately.. ahahahhaha!!

*cough cough* i mean.. pampered.. hahha.. so we headed down for some good ol' hawker food!! yeeea... grease.... yummmy.... hahahhaha.

check out the size of this chicken feet!!!!! its as big as me daddy's face!!!!! hahahaha.

its been ages since i've had a hearty & oily meal.. cause i've been feeling kinda lumpy here n there.. hahaha. oh wells.

we ordered LOADS of fattening food man..

i ordered my favourite... Or Lua!!!!!!!!!! for my ABC frens.. *rolls eyes* it is the oyster omelette!!!!!!!

haha.. soooo oily...............

but who cares!!!!!! i tell you.. it was so sinfully good man. *drools*

then!! hahaha.. we happily chomped and chomped away.. but.. i've gotta go back to dieting tomorrow already. cant allow myself to slip down the slippery slope to fatness. haha.

dammit. just met up with one of my fren.. and she said something.. (damn sad)

===> "oi!!! u ah! since when did u start gaining weight?!?!? u've lost ur flat tummy la! look at that.. tsk tsk.. u ah.."

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.. major sadness la.. but nvm, i will go on my diet and exercise like there's no tomorrow.

and i BELIEVE that it has been done. and i have already started losing weight. In His Mighty name... ke ke ke. anything is possible *hallelujah*

anyhuuuuu.. here's wat happened to the food!!!

now you see it. now you don't!!!

after lunch, we headed down to the wet market.. cause my mummy dearest wanted to get some smelly fish. ahahha! which will taste damn blardy good..after being "processed" by my mummy.

anyway..as i was happily walking along and minding my business..

then outta that orange coloured sky..

wham! bam! alakazam!!

i saw a horrific sight.......

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! oh my goodness.

i totally flipped la!!!!! i was holding onto my dad's arm for dear life.

frogs!!!!!!!!!!!! the most hideous creatures EVER created by the Mighty hands above.

forgive me for saying this Dear Lord, but why did you create frogs!??!?!?!??!???!?!?

they creeeeeeeeeeeeeep me out beyond words. gosh. i cant even bear to look at this photo. hey hey!! it took alot of guts to take this picture k!!

i was practically on the verge of crying..... have a terrible phobia....

*eeeeeek*

and all you horrible people out there!! actually buy live frogs and cut them up into gazillion pieces... skin them alive.. chop off their legs.... dig out their guts and eyeballs..

and throw them into your porridge/soup/boiling water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E-V-I-L.

and look at this!!!!!!!!!! pigs' brains!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there were 7 brains being sold. 7 poor piggies.

i mean.. i have nothing againt eating pork man.. *loves* but brains... errrrrmmm.. abit too gross right??

and the auntie kept psychoing me to buy some!!!!

(in hokkien) Good for the brain!! will make you smart!! must eat before your exams ah girl!! good for you!!

*faints*

if i DO eat it.. which will never happen.. BUT IF i do.. i'd just picture pigs with half opened & bloody skulls coming after me la!!! *gruesome* wouldnt even be able to think of my paper at all. hahaha.

hmmmmmm. that's food for thought. hahah!

CHINESE!! pffffffftttt. inhumane beings. they'd just eat anything which walks on four legs.

*tsk* horrible people....

oh wait a minute!!! I'm a chinese!!! hahahhahahahhahhaha. oh wells. all i need is my or lua and i'll be happy. u guys wanna eat brains?? knock yourselves out man!! need the blender???

ha! imagine... coffee bean/ starbucks new drink!!!

*brain ice blended!!!!! *pukes*

oh..for those wondering what the hell is the thing im holding in my hand.. hahah!! its this funky knitting needle.. i think its knitting..

ahh.. wat the heck.. its just something that makes lovely patterns out of a string of wool =)

look!!!! this was my practice piece. and it looks lovely.. hahahaha!!!

i've started on my "knit wanhua a nice skinny scarf" project already. its about 80% completed. shall show u guys.. asap..

but don't worry!! it's akan datang!!!! =)

hahahaha. i think i've become THE perfect stepford wife la. not only have i learnt how to 'knit'.

i've learnt how to make kick-ass bo bo cha cha *satisfied smile*

sooooooooooooooooooooo cooooooool. finally!!! i now can make.. (dessert list) tau suan, boo-boo cha cha, papaya and gingko nut "tang shui", green/red bean soup and sweet potato soup!!!

mua hahahha.. can open traditional chinese dessert shop already la!!

the uber yummy chewy bits!!! i added all-naturel colouring to it. to make it look cuter. hahaha!

steaming the sweet potato and yam....

didn't get a chance to take a picture of the finished product.. cause my family is filled with greedy people!!!!!!!!!!!!

they scooped up everything la!! even before i can take a picture.. sheesh.. hahaha!!

*licks lips*

quote from ting xian

2006-09-01T02:10:00.000+08:00

A lil' some'in some'in..

hahahaha. a dear friend of mine decided to randomly send me this lil' piece of mail. hahaha. interesting......... *thinks*

You might agree with it, but when it actuallyhappens..
99% of girls dont realize it till it is too late

and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some
random guy walks into the room and you jump up
and tackle him, without even introducing us,
yeah,it pisses us off.
(really ah?? uh oh.. haha.. guilty as charged.. =P )

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for
ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact
that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in themorning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m.
that it can't wait till the morning.
____________________________

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/gorgeous/ cute/ stunning,
we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.

We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
____________________________

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU!
DON'T "FEEL BAD"

We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.

Smile and say "thank you."

(yes.. thank you. haha)
___________________________
Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking,we'll be more impressed.
___________________________

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place,
you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have
or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers,
not all dolled up

(liars!!!! haha. k. bit biased here.. but still!! liars..)_____________________________

Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
(totally agree.. very much so..)
_____________________________

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, BradPitt, or Jesse McCartny is in front of us.
It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for that.
______________________________

Whatever happened to theword "handsome"/"beautiful"

I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/cutie/sexy" or whatever else you can think of.

on the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like itether ; )

(hahahahaha. dream on!!)
______________________________

Girls, I cannot stress this enough:

IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY,
DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE.
DITCH HIS SORRY, DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS,
AND FIND SOMEONE WHOWILL TREAT YOU WITH DUE RESPECT

Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....

and say "i love you" ...

....AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

awwwwx. haha. but the truth is.. its easier said than done man.
not all men.. are MAN enough to behave in this manner and treat women well.

so its really easier said than done.. about finding the "right" one.. siiiiigh..

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nvm. haha. =)

finally a break..

2006-08-31T01:30:00.000+08:00

FINALLY..

a break

ok. i know there's technically nothing to be happy about. especially since i hav at least 6 more papers to go. BUUUUUT!! at least i have a 12 days break in between!!

so i am more chilled out now.

yes yes. wannie is back!! mua hahahaha.

which is why i was pretty arty farty today and decided to take nice pictures. nooooope. not of myself. but of the crazy surroundings around me!!!!
(k.. other than the exception of 2 photos la)

since i kinda felt like a free bird today, i decided to surf the net for more prom dress inspiration.

haha. im trying to create a totally kick-ass dress myself.. and of cause with the help of my super-tailor ROSLAN!!!!!!!!! *hugs*

anyhu, here's wat i found from the net. cause since i was studying like mad, i didnt realise that the emmys just passed!!!!! *k.. i am a sua ku* =)

so here's the BEST of the Best Dressed List. well.. to me at least.

The one and only.... EVA LONGORIA!!!!!!!!!!!! *drools*

damn she looks good. and i like her dress alot alot. shall add it onto my collection of dresses. ha!

here's another one i ripped off from some online vintage dress auction house. sooooooo nice.

its kinda weird. cause now im seriously into the 40's vintage style. as my gd friends can tell, i've even tried red lipstick!!

yes!! siren red. smoooooooooookin' red lipstick.

hahahahahaha. i really love marilyn monroe though. she may be a bimbo, but hey.. she's damn hot la!!!!

plus.. she's like an immortal already. she's been dead for aeons and people still honour her every year on her birthday. and she has hodes of people who earn their living by impersonating her!!!

*cooooool*

aaaanyhu.. today was an extremely chill-out day, cause it was raining like elephants and kangaroos la!!!!

sheeeeeeeeesh. and because of that, levin came over to my place to bum off dinner from me and hitch a ride.

hahaha. all thanks to my beautiful and kind mummy dearest. she couldnt bear to see two (pathetically broke) kids running in the rain to catch the bus. haha. so she sent us to mediacorp to catch the show!!

unfortunately, it was the MOTHER of all jams!!!!!!!

both sides!! jam packed!!!!!! i left my hse at 630pm. and after 20 mins, we were only 2km from where we left. *grrreeeeeeeaaaaaat*

and before long, we saw what was the *^!*#^!&#% problem that was causing this stupid jam.

a freaking tree was uprooted and landed on a car.

yes. now all of you guys can let out a loud "OH MY GOSH!!!!"

it was too good to be true, so i quickly took out my handy phone and took this blur picture.

haha. and my mummy scolded me la!!

"you are so bad know you!! the man so poor thing and here you go taking pictures of his car and taking down his car plate number."

hahahaha!!! yes i did!! u know like how those ah peks and aunties always take note of the car plate number of the vehicle which has been in an accident??

ha!

i've become that auntie!!! *evil laugh*

just for the kick of it la. and if anyone of you wanna strike it rich. here's the car plate number. knock yourselves out!! =)

6514

alriiitey! we finally manage to get out of the stinking jam at around 7pm. haha. i even managed to teach my mum a new short cut!! haha.

*i am so smart*

ke ke ke. even my mum was surprised by the fact that i actually KNEW singapore roads and could even teach her a short cut. *sniggers*

thanks ah mummy =)

anyhuu.. then i saw jasmine's BIG NAME on the vending machine. haha. so cool.

its really interesting cause vandalism is actually illegal, but here, people go all out to show their support and love. haha.

and the mediacorp staff pretty much let them do whatever they want to!

and just as i was enjoying myself with the company of woon (miss always super late) , lev, roslan, anabelle, chris and mrs twohill.

we went into the studio. and we saw our nemesis. well.. sorta.

he had the audacity to request for us to move out of our seats. when in the first place, we were OFFERED the seats by the freaking FLOOR MANAGER *God bless his soul*

and he acted as though we were gonna jump infront of the camera and hog the limelight.

like.. HELLO?!??!?!??! can you kindly use that tiny pea brain of yours to think for a second??

WE DO NOT WANT THE CAMERA IN OUR FACES AS WELL!!

((*^&^%^$%#%

idiot.

honestly, would we be that dispicable?? and the fact that he gave us that smug *^#*@^# look of his while barking at us to "leave now. go find other seats."

like hello mister!! we hav the f-ing tickets alrite?! and we were GIVEN those seats. freaking mofo. no sense of respect at all.

we are there to support our friends. that's all. so what the hell is his mind so screwed up. we're not attention whores. please. get that through your thick skull!!

argh!!! i cant begin to tell you how pissed off we were!! that asshole.

Yao Han.

You mofo. if i ever see you with that smug grin on your face again. i swear that i'll twist your neck and poke your eyes out.

one more time you ass. just try us.

he ALWAYS forgets the fact that he is a nobody in mediacorp and that he is severely outnumbered by all of us. *genius*

he even made woon so upset that she cried la!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!

and i was so pissed i couldnt even enjoy the show.

nvm. argh!!!

as usual, we went for prata after the show.

me and woon stuffed our faces with beehoon goreng and kosong prata. cause we were sooooo freaking pissed off.

and getting angry makes you extremely hungry. or isit the other way around??

ah. watever. haha!

anyhu, as we talked about it. we started feeling better and we forgave his sorry little ass.

thinking about it. he's running around, doing so much hard labour.. just for a measly pay. PLUS, unlike in the states where the pple working in the media sector truely have the passion for it, he's just doing it for the sake of money. he could care less about the "passion" and the "people".

*wtf.. his eq is freaking low to begin with la. he even had the balls to barge into the top6 female's room. like hello?!?!?! havent you heard of knocking?? what if the girls werent dressed??

moron.

aaaaanyyyhuuuu.. yes! it is true. most of the people in the team have no passion for music and neither do they give a damn about finding a star!

all that they can think about is the millions that they'll be able to squeeze outta the idols. but that's another story. shall not go on anymore.

before the show, we were toking to mrs twohill. hahaa. and levin managed to psycho her into giving him her entire bouquet of roses!!!!!!!!

woah. *salute*

haha. levin has a glib tongue. me and woon are proud of him!

*rolls onto floor laughing*

anyhu, since he conned poor old mrs twohill out of her roses, i decided to steal it from him!!

and he!!!! being the lovely bitch that he is, didnt even let me take more than 3 stalks!!!! *grrr*

hahahaha. but, i am the master of psycho-ismn. sooo, eventually he just gave in to me. haha! *shiok*

and i managed to rip off 6 stalks altogether!!!!! =P

*applause*

the roses were so lovely!!!! they had long stalks. so pretty.

sigh. never got flowers before. haha. not counting friends. so sad. but nvm!! haha. i make lovely bouquets myself. hahah!

i was so bored at home, that i decided to measure the super long stalks!! haha.

________________________

1st sample of rose stem length = 58.4cm

2nd sample rose sstem length = 58 cm

3rd sample rose stem length = 57 cm

* avg. stem length = (58.4 + 58 + 57) cm / 3
= 57.8cm.

________________________

haha. this is what happens when u study too much. hahaha.

my mind is seriously screwed la!! i need to relac relac.

or in the words of my good & irritating buddy,

JIAGA SIKIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

PRELIMS

2006-08-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

Prelims.........

headache.

migraine.

stomachache.

knots in me belly.

what the hell.......

gotta push depression to the back of my head.

gotta carry on fighting.

i will deal with it when i have the luxury to.

i'm gonna reach the end.

i will reach the end,

smiling

and full of life.

NO ONE

is gonna bring me down.

NO ONE

is gonna rain on my parade.

cause i'm just gonna

walk away.

words from the heart

2006-08-27T20:21:00.000+08:00

Words..

from the heart...

yea yea. that's levin and woon. haha. we went to his workplace to pay that little princess of ours a visit and keep him companied for dinner.

haha. its a well-deserved break for me. i guess. eventhough i didnt study much. ha.

been so bogged down by soooo much stuff!

the stress is reeeeeeeeaaally getting to me.

but its kinda too late now. nvm!!!!!!!!! i will fight n press on for me A's.

*freaking A's

hahaha. but lev is so adorable la. haha. he chided his collegue... for the way he was handling his relationship problems. ha.

*sniggers* oh wells. lev said that his collegue's prob was kinda like.. erm.. lik mine.

except for the fact that all the parties involved.. are men.. yes.

oh wells! it ish ok lev!!

haha. ur poor collegue. haha. bet u scolded him good eh? haha.

anyhu!!!! i saw this clutch at Miss Sixty.. where lev is working at. nicey nicey!! but its like %&(%*^! expensive la..

and this pair of ear rings. ahhhhh!!!!!!!! dman niiiiice! dammit. cant afford it.

*piss off*

hahahahha. wonder who would spend soooo much on a pair of ear rings la!

haha. so i had to settle for teasing woon by posing with all the bags that she wanted to buy.

my goodness. she actually bought a bag!!! haha. and she's gonna buy this one tt im clutching tightly to my body!!! hahaha!!!

*rich kid* pffffffftttt!

oh weeeelllllsss......

just came back from church. it was a healing session today. haha. was amazing to see the miracles that the Lord can bring unto us.

He healed so MANY brothers and sisters today. hmmm. He truely is Great.

well well... yes. i know i'm the Resurrected Child of God.. and nothing can stand in my way.

but i cant help but feel that empty void inside of me.

i am sad.

i've tried hard to fight it. but it keeps on coming back at me.

im done with pretending that it's all fine and dandy.

the camel's back has snapped. ha.

( i dont wish to be emo. but sorry guys!!!!)

" eventhough its bad to wallow in depression. always allow yourself sufficient time to mourn.. its only Human that we feel sadness. so dont move on too quickly, cause you'll just end up being in denial and u will never truely recover.

just like wet paint which dries only on the surface, but is still wet underneath.. and whatever that rests on it will just end up getting stained."

-wise words from a friend.

i dunno why. but she's always there just when i feel that all is lost. ya. thanks babe. really appreciate it.

i think im just stressing too much bout everything. jolly well knowing that i am the only one who's feeling so sad over the whole affair. *sigh*

why do i always make myself suffer?

wouldn't it be easier if i just let go...

just letting go of everything...

but somehow something is holding me back.. i dunno why.. but it is wat it is!!! *sigh*

(lev..i noe i've promised i wont sigh.. but i cant help it la!!!!!!)

i WAS fine. but somehow.. it all came rushing back. once again.

the same sappy situation. once again.

why does it always have to be like that? *gosh*

damn.. im getting a headache again.

and as usual.. when im emo.... lyrics come to my mind... haha.

*enjoy???

__________________________________

There is beauty in the dark side

I'm not frightened

Cause without it , I could never feel the sun.

So I scream, scream cause it hurts.

Your every word cuts me inside

and leaves me feeling worse.

Is anybody out there?

Does anybody see?

That when the lights are off, something's killing me.

I know people care cause they're always around me.

But when the day is done and everybody runs,

Who will be the one to save me from myself?

Who will be the one who's there?

And not ashamed to see me crawl?

Who's gonna catch me when I fall.

I don't do excuses.

I just want to know why.

It's just a breakdown.

It happens all the time.

Don't even try,

I know you wanna help me,

but just let me cry.

Yeah, I loved you so

but you don't even know a thing I feel inside.

No, by the look in my eye.

It seems that I'm just fine

but I just need you to hold me tight.....

toilet bowl.. food poisoning

2006-08-26T01:27:00.000+08:00

My New Best Friend

(let me indulge here k??)

*&*^*(@# *^&$^# *^&^$$ &*^$$*(&% (&%#@#*()

*pauses to catch my breath*

&&^%$$#@@#^&()(@#!&^ &&^$%#& *&%#^%#$* &*(^

wah lao....i am OFFICIALLY DEPRESSED!!!!!

not only do i have to go through hell.. being stuck at home.. with my lonesome self.. studying my eyes n brains out..

not to mention.. wiht no msgs being sent to my phone.. to give me a break from it all..

I STILL HAVE TO KENA FOOD POISONING?!?!??!!??!

*dear Lord.. why me? why now?*

wah liew. think it's due to all the irregular meals.. and NONSENSE shit i've been putting into my mouth..

(cause got no one to cook or to take care of poor old me)

hahaha. plus!! there was nothing in my stupid fridge, so i couldnt cook anything. bleah *pukes*

perfect timing la. loneliness. angst. depression. stress. frustration.

now i can add another one.. suffering!!!!!!!!!

now i can truely understand the lyrics of the song by SUV called "weak"

"i get so weak in the knees

i can hardly speak.

i try to control mysefl but something comes over me...."

wah lao. im stuck in a deep, dark rut. filled with puke.. and you-know-what.

hahahaha! im learning to laugh in the face of adversities alrite!! cut me some slack here!

alritey.. gotta go do another merlion stunt into my best friend now.. *kisses* *pukes*

oh!!! this is a picture dedicated to my lovely levin ng. ha!! sorry ah. couldnt find the "h" version. but anyway!! since ur liek our sister.. or sicne u behave like one..

u shall be an official bimbo now!! *sniggers*

SALTUE!!! Bimbos of the world unite!

*pukes into toilet...again*

ashlee simpson - beautifully broken

2006-08-25T12:24:00.000+08:00

a collage of me + my frens...
from carefree and very happy times =)

Beautifully Broken

ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hallejulah!!!!!! *praise the Lord*

oh my goodness gracious me...... i found my ashlee simpson album!!!

it was apparently hiding in one dodgy corner in a plastic container.. in my very own room!! wah... so happy..

hahaha!! yes. I noe clara tan is scolding me right now..
"see! i told you i gave it back to you already!!"

*sniggers*

anyhuuuuu..yes.. am very happy i found my cd!! and i'm officially in love with all the songs... hmmmm... niiiiiiiiiiiice..

here's my favourite one off the whole album..
__________________________________

Ashlee Simpson - "beautifully broken"

It seems like yesterday, that my world fell from the sky.
It seems like yesterday, I didn't know how hard I could cry.
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by.
But I will try.
I will try.
Wipe the tears, from my eyes.

I'm beautifully broken,
And I don't mind if you know it.
I'm beautifully broken,
And i don't care if i show it.

Everyday is a new day,
but I'm reminded of my past.
Everytime it's another storm,
but I know that it won't last.

Every moment I'm filled with hope.
Cause I'll get another chance.
But i will try.
I will try.
Got nothing left to hide.

I'm beautifully broken,
And I don't mind if you know it.
I'm beautifully broken,
And I don't care if I show it.

Without the the highs and the lows,
Where would we go?
Where would we go?

taking a break from it all.

2006-08-24T01:35:00.000+08:00

Taking a break..

From it all..

yup yup!! tt is my beloved roslan!! haha. after soooo long.. i think it has been like aeons since i last met him la! yes. happy. haha.

oh.. lovely girls out there. he is one talented kick-ass designer!! haha. and he's designing my prom dress for me!!! yes. yours truely. *sniggers*

bet u all are just getting so envious.. mua ahha. i have my own personal fashion stylist/ designer la!

anyhuuu.. yes.. i went to watch the show. *guilty* cause i was supposed to be studying.

but my brain was seriously stagnant. nothing was flowing. in or out!

so i decided to watch the show.. together with levin, woon anabelle and of cause, roslan.

oh. the show was pleasantly surprising.

many tear jerking moments too. esp when hady sang tt song. *wow* plus.. i was extremely proud of jas n paul as well. they did really well this week. esp their cheena songs... best.

I SALUTE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! =)

and yes. there is another person i'd like to salute.

i know he is the butt of all jokes. cause of all controversies. and the target of alot of hate and displeasure.

but to Joakim. i know how sad u are with all the critisimn and negative things tt pple are saying to you.but i admire the way u bravely took all these in your stride. and continuing to press on. and fighting for your dreams.

sure.. they say u have no voice. blah blah blah. well, at least u had the guts and balls dude.

honestly, his voice is not fantastic. and i am NO ONE to judge. but i really applaude his Graciousness and Optimismn. even in the midst of all this backlash and unkind insults from people and the judges.

he deserves some respect people. really. think about it.

if i were the one who stood on the stage today, and Ken + Florence said such crude things to me.. i would have just crumbled and bawled my eyes out.

but he didnt do that. he just smiled and took things in his stride. that, ladies and gentlemen. is commendable human spirit.

*i wish u the best Joakim. hopefully u'll get wat u wish for* ..ur in my prayers

ANYHU!!!!!! to a lighter note..

haha. i brought bubble gum to the show. yes. not those small ass kinds where u can barely chew anything.

i brought those BIG ASS bubble cubes!!!! haha.

but woon and lev.. being the lousy pooks they are. couldnt even blow a decent bubble la!! like.... hello my dears??? haha. =)

i was just maintaining my bubble there whilst waiting for my lovely woonie boobies to blow her ..... errrrrm... pathetic little piece of gum. ahhahah!!

k.. im very mean. but its true lor!! look at that babe!! is tt even a bubble?!?! *tsk tsk*

must give u a proper lesson on how to produce a nice bubble-ed gum =)

ya.. and as YOU ALL CAN SEE. she just gave up after awhile la. and spat her gum out. hahah!

lousy poooooook!!!!! no perseverence.

but nvm.. me still love eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!! *kisses*

oh yea. as usual. we went for our after-show ritual. pratas/beehoon goreng and ice limau/teh chino. haha. it was reeeeeeeeeeeeeally great to have this time to chill out with them.

been really bogged down by so much stuff recently... and the looooooming prelims.

*&!(*^#&%*#%!&%#!^#*(!&*

yes. i am officially stressed. depressed. sad. and lost!!!! (not forgetting to mention.. helpless)

haha. anyhu.. i went with levin, woon and ana.. cuz roslan's hse was too far away from the prata place.

and i made a very surprising finding.

me and anabelle actually have similar views on life and r/s.

we were just talking as a grp abt love stuff and life lessons... and we also had a triple tag team match scolding levin!!!!!!!!
(u shld know y ah lev..u better change ur view!!! if not..... ur minced meat..)

anyhuuu..ya. as i went home. i dunno why i decided to msg her. and Praise the Lord i did. cuz we began tokin abt all these issues we had in life and about men..

and my oh my.. she was a great help in clearing my mind.

"Patience really IS a virtue." -anabelle

i guess ur right babe. hmmmm.. i hope we both get what we're praying for. soon.
haha.

and im glad that we had a chance to get to know each other on this level.. even after all the idol fiasco and misunderstandings.

woooow... idol... hmmmm....

that word seems so foreign to me. i just suddenly rmb all the other 16 contestants.. where have they gone to? hmmm. i miss those carefree times. top28.

all the laughter. joy. wonderful music.

we DID have to go through tons of shit and unfairness.. but hey.. we made wonderful friends.. friends whom i believe were God-sent to help me in this difficult trying times.

it is true. i've sacrified alot for this competition and sort-of gotten nothing much outta it.

i've lost touch with my hw.
i've lost touch with some of my friends.
i've lost touch with my family.
and yes.
i've single-handedly dsestroyed that special relationship i had with that special someone.

so to everyone that i've neglected or done wrong too, i am sorry.

but through it all.. after all the pain and rejection, i believe that it was all part of His Godly plan... to bring me closer to Him.

i may not be able to love as freely or trust as easily as i used to...

but i believe that someday... someday that one guy will just come and sweep me off my feet.
(obviously in a good way la!!)

He who deserves me.. will get me.
and i really hope its you.

fall afresh on me

2006-08-22T00:50:00.000+08:00

Fall Afresh On Me.

I come before Your throne

To worship at Your feet

To look upon Your nail-pierced hands

O Lord

How awesome is Your Love

For you, Your grace restores my soul

You've set Your heart on me

You've set me in Your righteousness

Fall afresh on me

Move within my heart

Let Your tenderness consume me

Pour Your love on me

Like rain upon my face

Till everything I am is lost in Your

embrace

Fall afresh on me..

____________________________

Dear Lord, fall afresh on me.

Move within my heart.

I know You love me Lord...

teach me how to love You and those around me.

Remove the coldness from my heart , O Lord.

Teach me. Guide me. Fall afresh on me.

Till everything i am, is lost in Your embrace.

*amen*
____________________________

Well youre the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation
About a love that didnt last

But I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we justify destiny

Its not that our love died
Just never really bloomed

Youre holding me back without even trying to.
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the
Things I do.

And you cant lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel so sad

- Landon Pigg ; "can't let go"

hanging out in vj..with frens..

2006-08-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

Oh Wells.......

tee hee hee.. kk. all my fellow saints. DON'T SCOLD ME K??? hahaha. i went to vj to study with my baby dear clara tan. haha.

sooooo.. i had NO CHOICE but to wear the tee..

but ah.. the yellow colour very nice... =)

and i felt sooo smart for that few hours. *sniggers!!

k la k la. i have weird ways of dealing with things and react to situations. haha. but who cares!!

I AM ME!!! =)

*And i know u guys love me.. haha

anyhuu.. i was trying to really study. but i had so much to tell clara.. or to weep to clara about. haha.

but nvm, she wouldnt let me mop anyway. (she's always scolding me..and asking me to CONCENTRATE LA!!)

as i was saying... i was trying to understand that damned kidney chapters.. urine formation.. nephrons.. blah blah blah..

and i saw the mathilda badge on my pencil case.

*(!*!%G*!%^#!*&%$ in the words of mathilda.. my dear dear friend..

YOU NGIAO HIA!!!! haha. only we few peeps know wat we're toking about. ;P

u go girl.. u know u'll do well. this is a huge stepping stone for u! at least pple know u've got spunk and THE powerful voice. *kisses*

well.. back to my study session. haha!! clara was also having a very stoney day. just like moi.

and i feel really really really bad. cuz i kept going on and on and on about my problems. i think she couldnt study cuz of me.

shit!!!!!!! i am so horrible.

*shy*

LOVE YOU RA!!! (hugs) you're the few pple i can depend on.

oh!! and check this tree house out man!!!!!! damn nice right??

haha. why cant SA have one too?? i'd just have a field day screaming and chasing my classmates up and down the shaky bridges.

*evil thoughts*
hahaha!!!!!!

anyhuuu.. when it was 7pm.. my daddy called me. and i left for dinner at marina square.

and just as i was abt to go home.. levin called me!!!!!!!! woo hoo!!! i totally forgot he was working at raffles city la.

haha. sorry dude!!

but ya!!! i went to find him. my mummy met him and even treated him to ice cream!! (u lucky toot.. haha)

anyhu.. then mr twohill called us. to save him!! haha.

and yes.. it was lev n wan to the rescue.

i miss them alot. really. every single one of them. so i was pretty happy that levin n paul called. then even woon called!!

my my!! so happy.

at least i could get my mind of stuff. ha.

oh wells.. then me n levin were left at the void deck la!!!! like wtf mr twohill!! haha.

but nvm. we love u too much. haha.

and sooo.. we called woonie boobies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whilst we were waiting for our pair of boobies to arrive. me and levin made a nuisance of ourselves.

we started singing like crazy toots at the void deck!!!!!!!!!! ha!!!

but judging by how we didnt tio any complains.. or kena chased by anyone..

tee hee.. we are goooooooooooooood singers. =P

i even recorded levin's horrible christina aguilera impersonation on my phone!! but i..being a techno idiot.. don't knwo hwo to upload it to my blog.

too bad!!! haha.

ya. and it was a major cam-whoring and emo-singing session la!!

levin on-ed his Zen and we sang our hearts out.

it appared that both of us were emo. not good.

haha!!! we sang kelly clarkson, chirstina, mariah, 98degrees, boy 2 men and even mandy moore!!

*someday we'll know..

if love could build a mountain..*

oh wells... soon woon came. wow. i never knew hwo much i missed her.

i've been so caught up in my little world of twisted emotions and sorrows that i forgot bout listening and sharing with my friends!

i feel horrible because of that.

but i noe they love me.

and i love them too.

*sigh* i cant stop loving you too. you.

but nair mind!!! i went to church today and wat pastor prince say way true.

"when things go wrong,

Step back.

Evaluate the situation.

Give him fair warning.

And wait.

Show yourself respect and love. before expecting others to love you too.."

that's kinda true. oh wells. i feel very inspired today. after that service, it's like a load of my shoulders.

i'd hate to be a burden or a cause of sorrow to someone. so i'd rather back off and wait.

*im waiting for my Prince to come... la la la lala la..*

oh oh!! i went to read lev's blog. hmmmm.. u *&!(*#.. make me cry....

haha. it's a nice story la dey. but english abit bad.

so i shall edit it for u!! mua hahhaha!!
___________________________

3 teenagers. 2 ladies and 1 guy.

all 3 of them met while they were pursueing their life-long dreams.

but the cruelty, rejection and critisimns knocked them down.
flat on to the ground....

they felt that life was meaningless.

the guy, known for his gullibleness and naive nature, had an exceptionally low self esteem.

This was due to his troubled childhood. His parents divroced a long time ago. that experience has scarred him for life.

Eventhough he was a young adult, he was still pretty childish. He believed almost everthing people said. He trusted everybody.

However, Secondary sch life was hell for him. He was disliked by a group of people in his school. He could not understand why. Maybe it was because he was just too nice to everyone.

But life quickly changed, as he left his secondary school behind.

He found a group of honest people, who shared the same passion for music as he did!

Together, they created great music and memories. And for once, he felt loved.

and Yes, his mother loved him. but does she even know who he is inside? would she ever know? Does she even care?

He never even gets the girl he loves. She hardly even know he's there.

so one day the boy met up with 2 of his very good friends. the two best friends he ever made, who shared the same passion as he did for music.

these two beautiful, smart and classy ladies. He treats them like his elder sisters and he was their dearly beloved younger brother.

so, they came to this particular void deck, where they usually met another beloved friend of theirs.

they sat down and chatted the whole night through.

the ladies, for some reasons or another, were heart brokened.

hurt by men. troubled by men.

the younger lady of the two felt that love was dead. she had lost all trust in love and in men. after being through so much, she just felt her heart grow colder by the day.

deep in her heart, she loved that someone so dearly, but she knew that he wasn't ready for love. he wasn't ready for her.

but still, she let her heart control her head. she still fell deeply in love.

after it all,
she felt cheated and extremely lost.

she thought , " Do all men just toy with ladies' hearts? Do they really mean it when they say they loved someone?"

her heart was broken. her life was heading in all the wrong directions.
she felt lost. she knew she was lost.

as she poured her heart out to the two,
her confident and strong persona quickly melted away.

and all that was left, was a vulnerable and hurt girl, who was deeply in love.

in love with someone she couldnt have.

the older one of the two ladies, on the other hand, had yet to experience the ups and downs of being in love.

so, she couldnt exactly understand why her friend was hurting so much.

but she tried her best to be strong for her. and not to be wrong for her.

but her heart was broken too. she loved a man so deeply. but he doesnt know.

would he ever?

she doesnt have the courage to tell him so.

she couldnt. she wouldnt.
but does he already know?

what is she to do? she loves him so much but she doesnt think it is the appropriate time to reveal her feelings.

however, the feeling boiling up inside of her made her go through hell.

she wasn't even in a relationship and yet, she was feeling so much selfless love inside of her. is it even possible?

watching his two friends break down and cry infront of him. he cant help but wonder. why are they so sad?

they have every potential to be loved by amazing men. but yet, here they were, crying and worrying about what has yet to be.

But he hopes for the very best for his two brave female friends. and he hopes the best for himself as well.

May god bless the 3 of them ....
_____________________________

woooooow.. isnt it a lovely story pple?? haha.

oh!!!!!!!!!!!!! wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!

i've decided to do something with my life and serve Him.

tt's why i've signed up for my church's choir recruitment drive!! yea!! *happy*

thanks.. for nothing.

2006-08-17T23:35:00.000+08:00

hmmmmmm...

i shall do that.

yes.. i shall.

i shall take an optimistic perspective on everything.

i refuse to be THE BITCH.

i'm gonna be the happy me that i used to be..before all these happened. before idol, before jc, before.........

and just Pray for the best to happen.

im just gonna be the silent cheerleader.

I wont pressurize anyone anymore.

as the song playing on my blog goes..
"isit impossible to change your destiny?"

i hope its not to late to make amendments to my less-than-perfect life.

im keeping the faith.
im keeping it real.

taking baby steps. one at a time.....

i really pray that it's not too late.

i just want my fairtytale ending.

--------------------------------------------------------
"goodbye sweetie, now i have to go.
remember me.

You've got the whole world ahead of you.
ahead of you.

Im sorry., i didnt say goodbye.
Im sorry that i made you cry.

I'll make it up to you.
if i had the chance to.

but what are we supposed to do?
when everything right goes wrong?"

--> but i wanna change my destiny..... i'm willing to change my destiny.

nothing is impossible.

i'm just gonna wait.. as a friend..
no more awkwardness. no more weird silences.
it'll all be back like it was before.

so i'm just gonna practice PATIENCE. (like wat van said)

i'll try waiting...
as someone who's very much concerned bout your well being.

and get on with my studying..... *prelims.. hmmm.. *!&@(*!^#(*^!*

emo nemo..

2006-08-16T19:15:00.000+08:00

Emo Nemo.....

no..i'm not talking bout nemo the clownfish.

*argh* been feeling extremely emo nowadays. in school, when im surrounded with all my crazy friends, i feel loved. with pple like vk and joey, its hard not to.

but when im alone.. or when a stoney moment occurs.. i just cant help it.. i just keep thinking and thinking and thinking.

talking to emm has helped cleared my thoughts. but it only helped that much. only if that person could give me an answer.

emm and vk have helped me to see things through the eyes of a Christian. one thing that both of them said really hit that spot in my heart.

" Bring your sorrows to the Lord in prayer.

Don't dwell on your sadness.

When you feel so much distress and sadness,

when you cry,

The Lord cries with you.

Just throw your vulnerable self at his feet.

He will catch you."

*cries*

anyhu,i went for morning worship in SA today, with emm promising to go with me. ha. (BUT SHE WAS LATE!!!!!)

but at least v.k was there. so i was sitting beside her.

dunno why. but i was crying during worship.I suddenly thought of the times that i've spent worshipping in New Creation. hmmmm.. argh.. nvm.

ya.. and vk..being the sweetie that she is.. prayed for me and asked God to help me cope with all these stuff that's happening to me.

and being the emo me. *sigh* teared yet again!!!! wah lao eh!!!!

nair mind.

i dunno wat's wrong with me. i keep thinking in songs. i cant communicate in words anymore.

i even wrote 2 songs today! i finished both in less than 10mins. that's crazy. i cant verbalise the way i feel.. but in written rhymes.. it flows out endlessly.

argh. wth. those who wanna c the pics from my msia trip and my blood donation experience. ha. too bad. u guya gotta wait till my normal mood is back.

cause i dun wanna be emo all over the shop la!!! *argh*

(sorry for always using the word "emo". haha. its a bad habit.
no thanks to MR LEVIN NG n paul!!)

anyway here's the song. written as i was struggling with my thoughts of you.

P.S==> woon..lets meet up soon and create our tunes k? my lyrics are piling up like crazy.

Sharing our little secrets
Kissing in the dark
How was i to know
that she was lingering in your heart.

You told me that you loved me
even said you cared so much
i didnt want it, but
i still felt love and such

i fell for you,and all was good
but you had to break my heart

she's still here between us
her presence is still felt.
with all the feelings
rushing back.
Do You need some help?

you want me to give you time
to forget that love and the anniversaries.
to wait, be patient, have faith
but how can i fight with all your memories...

*im all emo-ed out.
just who do you love????!!
my head hurts.
i don't feel like blogging anymore.

dancing alone..

2006-08-15T18:56:00.000+08:00

Dilemma..

2 songs..

2 ways to deal with this problem..

which should i follow?

which should i use as my life's theme song?

"this pain in me is never going to end.

what can i do..

will love ever win?"

____________________________

Dancing Alone...

Nobody's gonna break my heart

And hurt me like they did before

No one can even get the part

Not until I know it's deep

Can't you come and take me away

Take me to another place?

So here I am

Looking pretty for you

They come and go

So many faces it's no use

So I'm dancing alone

Dreaming solo

Cause your love's the one worth waiting for

Is it just like heaven?

Can you hurry up?

Can you feel my love?

I'm burning up

It's so hot

Dancing alone

Dreaming alone

So here I am

Looking pretty for you

They come and go

No one else here will do

So I'm dancing alone

Dreaming solo

Cause your love's the one worth waiting for

The one worth waiting for

I'm dancing alone...

-ashlee simpson

________________________________

* dancing alone? waiting alone?

how long would i have to do this.. would i be able to be strong enough to survive?

is my heart strong enough??

________________________________

Over??

I watched the walls around me crumble

But its not like

I won't build them up again

So here's your last chance for redemption

So take it while it lasts

because it will end

And my tears are turning into time

I've wasted trying to find

a reason for goodbye

I cant live without you

Can't breathe without you

I dream about you

honestly

Tell me that its over

Because if the world is spinning

and I'm still living

It wont be right if we're not in it together

Tell me that it's over

And I'll be the first to go

Don't want to be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you

But at the same time

you're the heart that I call home

I'm always stuck with these emotions

And the more I try to feel

the less I'm whole

My tears are turning into time

I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

My tears are turning into time

I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Honestly tell me

Don't tell me that its over

Don't tell me that its over..

________________________________

*its too difficult to choose.. i dont want it to end. but will it cause me more pain??

this is a risk i'm willing to take. but are you ready for it? are you willing?

i need to know your heart. i need to know if its true.

im confused beyond words.

________________________________

Dear Daddy God,

give me the wisdom to decide now.

Help me Lord.

I need your help.

Impart me Your mighty strength.

To keep me going on.

I'm hurting.. i'm falling..

Will You be there to catch me when i fall?

Dear Lord,

i'm leaving it into Your mighty hands.

Teach me. Tell me. Guide me.

*amen*

_____________________________

what should i do??

im torn in between.........

NAtional day 2006

2006-08-09T03:41:00.000+08:00

Majulah Singapura

before all u smelly backsides out there curse and swear at me cause im going overseas for holiday during National Day....or before you call me a *&*^!&%^@ traitor..

I LOVE SINGAPORE!!!!
*kiss kiss kiss kiss hug hug hug hug hug*

sniggers. i love singapore. i love the security. i love the glorious food. i love the people. i love our weather (at times). i love the fact that we're cosmopolitan.

i just love singapore. period. =>

*screams* MAJULAH SINGAPURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

may baby

2006-08-09T03:33:00.000+08:00

MAY-be Baby!!

Stubborn and hard-hearted. *sniggers =P
Strong-willed and highly motivated.
Sharp thoughts.
Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention.
Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. *wah.. coolios!!
Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation.
Shy towards oppisite sex.
Easily consoled.
Systematic (left brain).
Loves to dream. *nods*
Strong clairvoyance.
Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck.
Good imagination.
Strong physically.
Weak emotionally.
Weak breathing.
Loves literature and the arts. *double loves!
Loves traveling. *triple loves!!
Dislike being at home.
Restless.
Not having many children. *but i love children!!!
Hardworking. *uuurrrmmm..
High spirited.
___________________________

hmmm..if i have enough requests.. i may just post the other months as well. haha. anyone up for it?? =>

i wonder...

2006-08-07T10:58:00.000+08:00

I wonder........

if everything will remain the same.

if your feelings will change.

if it was all just a dream.

i will know my answer soon. when we both get back from where we're going =/

________________________

Vulnerability..... you should know what i mean.
_____________________________

I wonder how it is to be able to trust again when it all falls apart. hmmmmm.. kindly tell me please?? someone?? anyone?? =/

people say that Women are constantly paranoid.. but as the saying goes.. there's no smoke without a fire.. there has to be a logical reason as to WHY we(female species) always feel the way we do!

and emm gave me an article today which kinda made me realise something.. it was from this Christian book- How i said goodbye to dating.
(and no its not anti-love and dating.. but teaches us how to get the right Christian perspective on dating)

People often say that Women are like Jewels.
And jewels usually heavily guarded and kept in dark, cold vaults until a potential buyer comes along, one who shows genuine interests. And this buyer will only get to see the jewel when he is deemed capable enough to afford purchasing such a precious jewel.

so why is that that so many women treat themselves like cheap costume jewellery for all to see and to try on?? (and may i add.. as and when people feel like it)

Women should be like jewels in a vault. and trust in the Lord to pick out the most worthy of all buyers, before being exposed to the world outside.

i know this analogy may sound abit cuckoo to some. but it is kinda true.
(girls.. u agree with me right?)

It's always the ladies who get hurt. Never the men.
It's always the ladies who get cheated on. Never the men.
*go figures*

well.. i've said what i have to say.
*im putting all my Faith & Trust in Daddy God*

hopefully.. wat i'm gonna do is the right thing.........

cause Lord knows what will happen if i go through another heartbreak.

crabs!!!!!

2006-08-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

*OH CRAB!!!!

(nono.. the spelling is correct. and NO!! that is NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!)

That handsome little thing beside me is my elder brother. (sometimes irritating but always caring/doting)

Daddy brought us out some for some FAMOUSLY GOOD crab noodle thingy. and boy oh boy was it an experience. ha!

i have never ever waited sooooooooooooooooooo long for a claypot of crabs n noodles. *headache*

i was q-ing in the open (it was a very humid place) for an hour.
standing. yes, standing. there were no chairs in sight at all!!

all for this thingy!!!!!!!!

but i must admit la. it really rocks. haha! but!!!!!!!!! but but but!!!!!!!! after waiting so long to get a table. we STILL HAD TO WAIT for 1 & a half hour for the food to come!!

wah lao!!!!!!!!! alltogether.. 2 & half hours.. wow....but it was jolly well worth the wait la! haha.

here's my pretty mummy getting some soup. haha. see the frown?? *tsk tsk* wrinkles mummy.. wrinkles!! she just cant stop frowning! sigh.

haha!!! but it was really a super irritating environment la. with all the waitresses ignoring you and all the SIAO AH PEKS in the background laughing as though Russel Peters was doing a stand-up comedy right infront of them. oh wells.. at least THEY were having fun. haha!!

hmmm.. i wonder where my CRAZY genes came from. *sniggers* this is my oh-so-cute-and-crazy DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs* i love my daddy. isnt he the funniest man u've ever seen?

i wonder how he can go from serious & fierce director to a cuckoo comedian at home la!! =)

oh wells.. at least i've got his sense of humour and kick-ass brains.. *i think*

having to wait so long for a SINGLE dish was irritating.. but it was all goooood in the end. haha.

and after i had that yummy crab dinner. i went to *our meeting place* and met my cuties smelly pooks!!!!!!!!!! woon, jasmine, levin and paul. and even paul's parents came la!! haha. i love Auntie Twohill. she is soooo funky! *love the necklace*

anyhu.. yup yup.. that was a night of long-awaited crabs and prata. haha!! =)

survey..

2006-08-02T16:13:00.000+08:00

20 names

Instructions:
Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head

1) Clara

2) Vanessa Tan

3) Joey

4) Emmeline

5) Brendan

6) Vanessa KAng

7) Wei Yannnnn

8) SIEW WOONIE BOOBIES!!

9) Levin

10) Jasmine

11) paul

12) roslan

13) priscilla

14) sylvia

15) milly

16) ze ling

17) celena

18) kenneth

19) agatha

20) meijie

1. How did you meet #14?

hahaha. we were in the same crazy class!!!!!!! =) she was terrified of me at first.. but now we're the chummiest of chummies. =)

2. What would you do if you had never met #1?

i'd probably be very lost and lonely now. ya.. has no sense of time.. no sense of responsibility.. and no drive to study or to exercise!! hahahha!!! *)

*i love clara soooo much la*

3. What would you do if #20 and #9 dated?

levin n meijie?!?!??!?! wah haahahahhahahahahhahhahahaha.. i'd freaking laugh my head of la. hahahah!!!!!!! firstly.. i havent seen meijie in like ages la. an dif levin can pass meijie's dad and brothers.. i would kow-tow to him man!! =)

4. Would #6 & #17 make a good couple?

hahahha!!!!! they'll make the PERFECT TAG TEAM OF EVIL!!!!! haha. but i wanna join tt group man.. then we'll be the invincible trio. *sniggers

5. Describe #3.

hmmm.. oh my goodnes.. are u sure u wan me to answer tt ques?? it'll never end la!!!! well.. hmm.. a short summary will be....

high-pitched banshee with incredibly loud n WHINEY sounds coming out from her tiny little frame. yes. and she's the most loveble darling of all. =)

6. Do you think #8 is attractive?

i would turn lesbian for her. hahahahahahha!!! there's a reason for me calling her woonie boobies rite???? she is FREAKING ATTRACTIVE LA!!!!!!!!!!! haha.

7. Tell me something about #7.

hmmm..she's very smart. very cute and plays touch rugby. so dun ever mess with her man!!!!!!!!! ahhaha. plus.. we share the similar thoughts abt relationships.. which is very cool.. =)

8. Do you know anything about #12's family?

roughly?? i know his dearest mother recently passed on and he misses her very dearly. his entire family dotes on him alot too!! always bringing him out on shopping sprees.. damn.. =)

9. What's #8's favourite?

me. hahaha! she loves her food man! esp prata. give her one and she wont stop.

10. What would you do if #11 confesses that he/she likes you?

hahahahahhahahhahahahhahhaha. that's no way in hell la! he's my brother!! but if he really did.. hahha.. he is soooooo dead.. cuz i'll tell mrs twohill and tt's it man! haha.

11. What language does #15 speak?

very good english. adn very bad chinese. (i think) haha!!

12. Who is #9 going out with?

paul.. woon.. and me.. all at once. hahahaha!!! =) he's a lady's man.. n a man's man la!!

13. How old is #16 now?

17.. wah hahahahhahhhaha!!! her birthday is near the end of the year.. wah hahahah!! gotta wait so long to club. ke ke ke.

14. When was the last time you talked to #13?

i just said hi to her yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

15. Who's #2's favourite singer?

me!!!!!! hahaha. no la! ACTUALLY.. i dun really noe leh. oh no!!! but i know her fav song now is.. "oh i wish i was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair!!"

16. Would you date #4?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. dun wan!!!! she BURPS LIKE NON-STOP LA!!!!!! haha. ke ke ke. but i still lvoe u babe!! *kiss

17. Would you date #7?

tee hee hee.. maybe lor.. hahahahahahha!!!!! =)

then we can bitch and run together!

18. Is #15 single?

nope! she's very much attached.

19. What is #10's last name?

tye =)

20. Would you ever consider being in a relationship with #19?

tee hee hee. why not?? we'd just laugh our heads off every single day.. and piss the pants off clara. =)

21. What schools did #3 go to?

nan hua sec.. dunno wat pri school though. haha! but she's now in sa with me!!

22. Where does #6 live?

orchard. dammit.. rich kid. ahahhah! =P

23. What's your favourite thing about #5?

hmmmmmmm.. haha.. lemme see.. his cheesy grin!!!!! haha. n funny laugh. and lousy chinese. *evil laugh*

24. What do you think of #18?

hahha. he is one hell of a trouble maker and thai ah beng!!! but he is very nice.. and takes care of all his friends.. haha. and im the only one who whacks his head ever so often. =) oh.. he's really funny when he imitates the WORXXXX.. and SIAXXX.. haha

25. What do #4 & #19 have in common?

they are a few of the sweetest people i've ever known in my entire life. yes. they are seriously angels. and they are my very good good friends!!! and im sure they'll be my friends for life. they keep me gorunded and sane. =)

26. What special qualities does #5 hold in your life?

haha. he's really nice and duper funny. plus.... He keeps me close to God =)

stacie orrico - im not missing you

2006-08-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

Stacie Orrico..

i'm not missing you..

Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it

Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?

Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

(But) I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you

You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone

But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

It's a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?

Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

No I can't be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when it's right
And when it's left in your memory

All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life

(But) I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you

You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone (I used to hate it)

Oh different, oh feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me (knockin' at my door)

You might have had me open
But I must be going because (it's the best day of my life)
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone

Oh different, feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you
It ain't even a problem